Sunday, June 22, 2008


i just got back from the hospital.

i tried to kill myself. overdosed. 20 seroquel.

i wrote a poem about it and i'll share that. but other than that i'm not sure what to say. even though they say i've got a lot to say. hmmmm....


i remember bursts of noise,
skipping scenes of questions, "beth,
beth, what's this? what's that?"
i remember pain and
i don't remember how bad
it was. how dangerous it got.
i don't remember them taking
my clothes. of moving from
ambulance to er, from er to
i don't want to remember why. or
i remember taking the
pills. i remember that. but
i don't remember the
point. the reason escapes
i don't remember why i
called the ambulance. why i
didn't just go blinking
into the dark. the in-
i remember the big
reasons. the shame. the
guilt. but not the little
how did i let it go
so far?
i don't remember why
i didn't wake my family.
why didn't i call them
instead of emergency?
how close did i come?
how far did i go? how
close. how far. how timid
i am. how tired i am.
i don't remember waking.
i don't remember sleeping.
i don't remember anything.

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