epiphany

i had a major epiphany last night. it's rather embarrassing that i didn't know this about myself.

i have no self-discipline. none. zilch. nada.

*why* has it taken me this long to figure this out? and then there's the embarrassment over the fact that i have no self-discipline. how old am i? two? i can't make myself do something i don't want to do. i just can't. there's nothing i can say to myself. nothing that i can trick myself into doing. if i don't wanna to do something, i just bloody well don't do it.

the effects of this failing are far reaching. i don't like a class i'm supposed to take to graduate? quit school. i don't like housework? let it lie. i don't want to eat that? so don't. i don't even think i'm aware of all the effects of this bad, bad, bad thing.

but i can say that i'm a bad person because of this. or a person doing bad things. or a person not doing bad things.....