lent

so this is my first year in observing lent. i always thought it was an interesting idea but i'm not catholic so i figured it didn't apply to me. i mean, really, growing up baptist meant poo-poo-ing those silly catholics that prayed to mary and all those saints. (so many saints!) but i'm slowly learning that asking for a little guidance from those that have gone before me isn't such a bad thing. and looking to them to be inspired by their example is a beautiful thing. i pray to my spirit animal for guidance and help, don't i? i look to bear to be inspired by the way he is. why can't they do they same with the saints? and i'm going to a presbyterian church now; they observe lent so i'm learning a bit more about this season. it's really just preparing your heart to receive the blessing of His son at easter and couldn't everybody's heart use a bit more of that?

so, this being my first year, i've been floundering. what to give up? what to give? urgh! i've already given up my lovely diet coke and i'm changing the way i eat... then i read erin prais-hintz' encouraging and profound post about what she's doing for lent, and God was like, "BING!" on my head.

see, He's been telling me for a while that i need to walk, but it's *winter* and i *do not* walk outside in the winter. in the winter i go to my car and back and that is all.

it's been -50 here. please don't judge me.

but it's gotten warmer (it's 13 degrees out today) so i really have no excuse. so i will join erin in walking for lent. go bethiboo!

                                                          tom corbin--woman walking

have you ever felt so dissasociated from your body that all you are is a head and hands? that's how i feel. like i'm not part of this body.

see, my body keeps betraying me with it's illnesses and it's chronic pain and it's general incooperation to be helpful. so my brain has decided to pretend it's not there and that's just not right. i need to accept my body and change it to become the body i need it be. stronger. healthier. and to do that i need to exercise, which i've always hated, with a passion. well, not always. when i was in sixth grade i was the best runner in the school. and then puberty hit and my body betrayed me with awkwardness and breasts and a tummy. egads. but God has been telling me to *walk*. to accept. to *forgive*.

ah.

forgiveness.

that's the crux of the matter, isn't it? to forgive this fragile, imperfect shell of a body. it's trying it's hardest, but i haven't been helping. i've been hating it. and doesn't the thing that you hate become bitter and twisted after awhile? yes, in fact, it does.

so we bring into play the word of the year. TRANSFORM.

transform my hatred of myself (because that's what this is, really) into love.

so. back to lent.

i want to do more, i say. i want to focus on prayer and meditation as well. i've started a bible study and i haven't done one of those since i quit going to church about six years ago. it's a beth moore study; i'm so inspired by her. it's the james study about mercy. it's the second week of the study, and i'd like to meditate more on what i'm learning. i was thinking this morning that i need to get a meditation pillow, even before i'd made this decision. synchronisity at work! so i will pull walking and meditation together.

one more thing: helping my family. i need to do more around here. 'nuff said.

so join us this lent! choose to be the change.