it. makes. no. sense.
whatsoever.
and maybe that's the point?
we, who are so broken, desperately cry out for *more!* more of... something. i've continually looked in all the wrong places, even though i've already got the answer! God is the answer to the question, bethiboo! quit looking! you've already got it!
but the answer was too easy. something in me (the dark lord, himself, more than likely) told me it couldn't possibly be that simple. that *simplistic*.
the longer i go along this journey, the more i'm realizing that God's plan for humanity is anything but simplistic. simple, yes; He is the answer to all our problems. His plan is perfect; rely on Him through all life's struggles and He will always, always be there.
but i just don't do it! and why the bloody hell NOT?!?! because when i do: oh, sweet friend, how He showers me with gifts!
just last night, for example. i didn't want to go to the first meeting of something that God has been preparing me for. there's almost no gas in the car, and i needed what gas was in there to get me to my bazaar tonight. hopefully that will supply me with a bit more gas. so i called the leader of the group to ask if anyone lived in my area that was going to the meeting. no one. so i told her i couldn't make it that night, that God really wanted me to do this, but my job was more important at this point. she offered to loan me ten dollars for gas. um, wow. a complete stranger? just wow. so okay, God, i guess i'll go. and then on the way home, i thought i'd go to my usual gas station, but God told me to go to the icky one right by my neighborhood. my neighborhood isn't icky, so i'm not entirely sure why the station next to it has to be icky. *anyway.* i also had just enough money already in my purse for my friday diet coke, so i thought i'd go ahead and get it. so at the counter i plunked down the crisp ten and started dumping all my change, (the money for the soda was from the change jar) going so far as to chase out every last penny. and then i went to fill up the car. it flew past ten dollars and i flipped. how was i going to pay for it?!? ran in. he says i didn't go over, there was $10.92 on my bill. 'but my soda...,' i say. he goes, 'there's $10.92 on your gas.'
and the fog clears. ohhh.
i filled the car in a daze. got in. drove off.
he gave me a free soda! he gave me more gas than i had originally planned!!!
God! why? why *me?!?*
how can *He* possibly love *me?!?*
and then this song came on the radio. what God was trying to tell me.
Your Love
Brandon Heath
I felt it first when I was younger
A strange connection to the light
I tried to satisfy the hunger
I never got it right
I never got it right
So I climbed a mountain and l built an altar
Looked out as far as I could see
And everyday I’m getting older
I’m running outta dreams
I’m running outta dreams
But Your love
Your love
The only the thing that matters is Your love
Your love is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
It’s Your love
Your love
all I ever needed is Your love
You know the effort I have given
And you know exactly what it cost
And though my innocence was taken
Not everything is lost
Not everything is lost nooooo
But Your love
Your love
The only the thing that matters is Your love
Your love is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
It’s Your love
Your love
all I ever needed is Your love
You’re the hope in the morning
You’re the light when the night is falling
You’re the song when my heart is singing
it’s Your love
You’re the eyes to the blind man
You’re the feet to the lame man walking
You’re the sound of the people singing
It’s Your love
But Your love
Your love
The only the thing that matters is Your love
Your love is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
It’s Your love
Your love
all I ever needed is Your love
But Your love
(Your love is all that I needed)
The only the thing that matters is Your love
Your love is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
(Your love is all that I needed)
It’s Your love
Your love
It’s all I ever needed
so i don't understand it. maybe i never will. i guess i don't have to understand it. but i have to accept it. that's my job. the job that God has given to me for this time in my life. accept His love; every minute, every hour, every day, every year. for the rest of my life. that's my job.
God, i accept your love. it's beyond me, it overwhelms me, it envelops me. may it light up my darkness, and reach beyond me, and light up the darkness around me. i offer my love to you, Abba, it's all i have to give.
And that's all he asks of us in return for all that he does for us. Accepting him and turning everything over to him...what can be simpler? Good to hear you so positive!!! Happy Beading!!
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