tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78239718788559078582024-03-05T06:16:32.251-09:00indigo heartindigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.comBlogger238125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-24637891440740023082017-01-29T16:06:00.000-09:002017-01-29T16:06:12.708-09:00gravity<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">in high school he was a dark</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">god, far off. somehow he broke</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">through my wall and i, being a reluctant</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">good girl, embraced his james-dean-ness.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">i fell with him, off the straight-a</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">list on to the couch in the basement</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">of his parent's house. he kissed away</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">my nerves and in a haze of weed i gave</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">him my virginity; a small thing that he held</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">with care. we stood stronger together.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">he died in a car crash in <st1:place w:st="on">cleveland</st1:place> after</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">his parents took him there, after he'd asked</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">me to marry him and i'd accepted. i'm the</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">juliet that couldn't follow through </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">with the unspoken unwritten death contract.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">and years later i'm terrified of falling</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">in love again. as life passes, i see it all</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">has to do with falling, succumbing to gravity. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">your dreams fall, they fail. your breasts fall, your</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">womb falls. your heart falls, your expectations fall,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">leaving nothing but the memory of how it used to be.</span></div>
indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-19993170097539688142016-03-07T09:04:00.002-09:002016-04-15T01:51:38.448-08:00jagged beast<br />
there is some jagged<br />
thing inside of me, nesting<br />
within. slumbering<br />
now, but<br />
at any moment<br />
it could wake<br />
again,<br />
rampaging through me,<br />
a ravenous, broken beast.<br />
<br />
this thing nestles within<br />
my breast, my head, my very soul.<br />
this blackened beast is me.<br />
<br />
a broken-mirror image<br />
of me, distorted into a grotesque<br />
caricature. this Other Me<br />
could destroy all<br />
i've worked to create,<br />
a paper house i've lovingly<br />
built, lavished with beauty.<br />
but<br />
<br />
i could lose it all<br />
in a breath.<br />
in a change of the wind.<br />
<br />
so i hold<br />
my heart softly, a precious<br />
treasure. and i<br />
pray. i pray<br />
the slumbering Other<br />
never wakes.indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-47205922345254134782016-01-08T12:01:00.000-09:002016-01-08T12:01:17.178-09:00featured painting!i was so thrilled yesterday to hear one of my little bird paintings got featured in last night's<a href="http://bravegirlsclub.com/" target="_blank"> 'brave girls club</a>' daily newsletter of encouragement.<br />
<br />
yay!!!<br />
<br />
they call the series 'a little bird told me.' sign up for their daily truths <a href="http://bravegirlsclub.com/daily-truths" target="_blank">here</a>! a perk of signing up for the truths is that you get to see the bird art. they always include a bird in the emails, but they aren't in the archives. you can still peek at past truths <a href="http://bravegirlsclub.com/archives/category/daily-truths" target="_blank">here</a>, though.<br />
<br />
go. check out their stuff: melody and kathy are utterly a-maz-ing!!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSAipjOgnC-gXiFPhgXTHl2Oa9i_3iqzZPLw_KkSAhgdo15JpT-OI4DeKwse3WF2J26hAabUoLVxJGewg6pe_Klqgjl4boIrFPKxXByO4_Sp2IJIVQaBV8CF8zB7FwBTFHzPZlBpJ29A-0/s1600/Love+is+the+Key.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSAipjOgnC-gXiFPhgXTHl2Oa9i_3iqzZPLw_KkSAhgdo15JpT-OI4DeKwse3WF2J26hAabUoLVxJGewg6pe_Klqgjl4boIrFPKxXByO4_Sp2IJIVQaBV8CF8zB7FwBTFHzPZlBpJ29A-0/s640/Love+is+the+Key.jpg" width="464" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">love is the key by beth emery<br /><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
i so love and respect the ladies over at brave girls club and am honored to be a small part of their encouraging work! thank you, ladies, ever so much.indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-27610274184671230812015-06-16T21:54:00.000-08:002015-06-16T21:54:12.779-08:00tell me something truestrip it down, make it hurt like<br />
losing the one thing<br />
that means everything.<br />
<br />
hit me hard with<br />
what you've got buried<br />
inside that small, still<br />
heart. god!<br />
<br />
all i want<br />
all i need is to<br />
understand.<br />
<br />
tell it straight.<br />
speak hard.<br />
<br />
break wide open,<br />
love. please. or<br />
watch me walk<br />
<br />
away.indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-40473232104429123152015-05-15T22:17:00.000-08:002015-05-15T22:17:18.873-08:00the art of awareness<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCJQ2bwO7LCwwhGsEHRPh3JV4Dsj5_CsThjzu8RyThrlOKPv7Av7j4ow7a9mRigPgu5p2Exq787zfhDUszPlm3b-WV67JKi2BMQURlBDNhsggGAwavrNM8niBMRAerWVG8dIZOO89hRD7M/s1600/art+awareness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCJQ2bwO7LCwwhGsEHRPh3JV4Dsj5_CsThjzu8RyThrlOKPv7Av7j4ow7a9mRigPgu5p2Exq787zfhDUszPlm3b-WV67JKi2BMQURlBDNhsggGAwavrNM8niBMRAerWVG8dIZOO89hRD7M/s400/art+awareness.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.prettythingsblog.com/" target="_blank">via pretty things</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
lori anderson is one of my favorite people that i've never met. i've so loved getting to participate a few times in her bead soup extravaganzas and i'm thrilled to be a part of this particularly special hop.<br />
<br />
first of all, we've all been touched by someone close to us who struggles with some invisible wound. isn't that part of the human condition? we're all just struggling through this mess. but some of us seem to have been given a double, triple, or more of our share.<br />
<br />
i struggle with depression, an eating disorder, an addictive personality. seriously, i am one hot mess, right? and this past year i was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a disorder which means i'm in constant, overwhelming pain. i had spinal surgery, was almost paralyzed from the bone spurs in my neck.<br />
<br />
but i'm getting better.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7wvXTlF9LC2nEi79HzKvguXEpWTx9Al343GF3yUYO3I_zKwRLghyphenhyphenpzuyk3ejzBq7aLBSB0n_mpV-kQS6JLfQXG_7fcMPWMfuFBFURV9geSzgJCp5dpxSO_Tj0msQmUh34pjLdH5SiX89S/s1600/art+awareness+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7wvXTlF9LC2nEi79HzKvguXEpWTx9Al343GF3yUYO3I_zKwRLghyphenhyphenpzuyk3ejzBq7aLBSB0n_mpV-kQS6JLfQXG_7fcMPWMfuFBFURV9geSzgJCp5dpxSO_Tj0msQmUh34pjLdH5SiX89S/s640/art+awareness+2.jpg" width="288" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://andokadesbois.deviantart.com/art/Walk-92282983?q=gallery:andokadesbois/85723&qo=60" target="_blank">andoka desbois via deviant art</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
i'm beginning to see the light, even through the extraordinary pain i'm dealing with.<br />
<br />
so i chose lavender, even though the color for fibro is purple (i like lavender better than purple!) and my word is --redeemed-- because God is redeeming me and i am working on redeeming myself.<br />
<br />
so here's heather's gorgeous bead--<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyb1K8-JA53aAGSoi1bVrD2wRro-xKhSEJ38CB0voAViU0eaP0Se8v_Ba2hi1JTfrDazqODb1kVXa_kG9znpitqSBH3sT0rVG6RLfl2K3csCvJ8fD43jvm7QGDSfA4Nonl_A62cgNQY0iX/s1600/awareness3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyb1K8-JA53aAGSoi1bVrD2wRro-xKhSEJ38CB0voAViU0eaP0Se8v_Ba2hi1JTfrDazqODb1kVXa_kG9znpitqSBH3sT0rVG6RLfl2K3csCvJ8fD43jvm7QGDSfA4Nonl_A62cgNQY0iX/s320/awareness3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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i've been doing a lot of embroidery in my work, lately. and i've been using reclaimed objects as much as possible. so i pulled out some of my reclaimed denim and a butterfly wing that i picked up at the recycle platform at our local transfer site. --just one wing, 'cause oh, my goodness, how broken i am!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu_SeqI5k1Ead4lrHj1UyUzUO-kx7jmPtBBeaw287MsvqXQDFfu_-g-zSJhiDPFZubcYrkiV-HvTkdT1or6hf6ebz60jgKsC-cvpam-T1Qz86aDooV8MpFC6qxYhTiraKIjQwmt3tJwp87/s1600/awareness1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu_SeqI5k1Ead4lrHj1UyUzUO-kx7jmPtBBeaw287MsvqXQDFfu_-g-zSJhiDPFZubcYrkiV-HvTkdT1or6hf6ebz60jgKsC-cvpam-T1Qz86aDooV8MpFC6qxYhTiraKIjQwmt3tJwp87/s640/awareness1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />
then i added a key and a beaten heart. the key to it all is to go deep within and remember--i've already been redeemed.-- and the heart? beaten, broken, yet still beating.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimk_bcEKoyVig3jHP6jBdp7-TFfdGjhn8YKqOg2nNYibBZEwti4TkOCRi3aOwjtX-k3mgCy1LTRvCa_5_QTn8yUROizcyGFMJQblsrmXp5pftoCauH_3R4TiWZueEjVBQn057U6I5m4U1w/s1600/IMG_1585.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimk_bcEKoyVig3jHP6jBdp7-TFfdGjhn8YKqOg2nNYibBZEwti4TkOCRi3aOwjtX-k3mgCy1LTRvCa_5_QTn8yUROizcyGFMJQblsrmXp5pftoCauH_3R4TiWZueEjVBQn057U6I5m4U1w/s400/IMG_1585.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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i chose a vintage button from my stash for the closure.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiYTpRvlxQXnirM7D6hIhkdbsmIkubx2qZFx4hI5Jj3qk-F6ffwfcdCljIbL_QulPOX_yOqDmVD2VsmLMrm0Gy1foTTrg2MITzZAczmXAGA2eR6m1Pp8Qs1hTD_nle407W8Hvr2Fhk0GQ-/s1600/IMG_1584.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiYTpRvlxQXnirM7D6hIhkdbsmIkubx2qZFx4hI5Jj3qk-F6ffwfcdCljIbL_QulPOX_yOqDmVD2VsmLMrm0Gy1foTTrg2MITzZAczmXAGA2eR6m1Pp8Qs1hTD_nle407W8Hvr2Fhk0GQ-/s400/IMG_1584.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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the final touch are the four knots on the opposite side of the clasp. they represent the four decades of pain i've lived with fibromyalgia.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYaS9dhBzWuBCn-DvJ2KWJnvm6xdMTKtE0Ys2OdbTxfujGVv3l-PY50T12jX6i0YqShzI67hIlmfDcNLJGIiAJSAH_vzh8s2H0nhOa_s7SJbeLf_x9eKBpdaNnTS3DMUP4L14u9qf8c9CO/s1600/IMG_1586.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYaS9dhBzWuBCn-DvJ2KWJnvm6xdMTKtE0Ys2OdbTxfujGVv3l-PY50T12jX6i0YqShzI67hIlmfDcNLJGIiAJSAH_vzh8s2H0nhOa_s7SJbeLf_x9eKBpdaNnTS3DMUP4L14u9qf8c9CO/s640/IMG_1586.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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so, thanks go out to the marvelous lori anderson and the glorious heather millican. you both are utterly brilliant! thank you!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL67CcFQ-ST9JuOR6gImaBL8ypu6E4UNorTSVn8ZJZIPX6Lh_zVq665-CdyZKEgQR6I_ax6a098Umv8OgF8Zqyndzcm4mOS7iLD597Mt80t5giPYuYx6gqRuPSKVl1nMsFbGNF-gDpO-_x/s1600/awareness2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL67CcFQ-ST9JuOR6gImaBL8ypu6E4UNorTSVn8ZJZIPX6Lh_zVq665-CdyZKEgQR6I_ax6a098Umv8OgF8Zqyndzcm4mOS7iLD597Mt80t5giPYuYx6gqRuPSKVl1nMsFbGNF-gDpO-_x/s640/awareness2.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
please visit these other fine blogs in our splendiforous blog hop of awareness!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6CsVFA_jF2qQGCUpcJXaZNh-nJgDQ2auHCfgGgDc7nUCrSo4-lhyphenhyphenVn5Hf2wWfeTjb4DdYEZ7xzK9GTUv1_YHziATebu7-oKVZiTpf5xD_ueEnVuzt8ZOAVT1ihE5k-FQ2j4buMGfHh-WF/s1600/ribbon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #d82898; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6CsVFA_jF2qQGCUpcJXaZNh-nJgDQ2auHCfgGgDc7nUCrSo4-lhyphenhyphenVn5Hf2wWfeTjb4DdYEZ7xzK9GTUv1_YHziATebu7-oKVZiTpf5xD_ueEnVuzt8ZOAVT1ihE5k-FQ2j4buMGfHh-WF/s200/ribbon.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 0px 0px 0px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px solid rgb(255, 255, 255); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.0980392) 0px 0px 0px; padding: 5px; position: relative;" width="200" /></a></div>
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<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="background-color: white; border-collapse: collapse; color: #191919; font-family: 'Open Sans'; font-size: 17.6000003814697px; line-height: 27.377779006958px; text-align: center; width: 718px;"><tbody>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt; width: 113pt;" width="151">Lori<br />Heather</td><td class="xl65" style="width: 113pt;" width="151">Anderson<br />Millican</td><td class="xl66" style="width: 312pt;" width="416"><span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://www.prettythingsblog.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;">www.PrettyThingsBlog.com</a> </span><span style="color: black;">(hostess)</span><br /><a href="http://www.facebook.com/swoondimples" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;">www.facebook.com/swoondimples</a> (bead artist)</td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Candida</td><td class="xl65">Castleberry</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.spunsugarbeadworks.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.spunsugarbeadworks.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">mischelle</td><td class="xl65">andrade</td><td class="xl66"><a href="https://micheladasmusings.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">https://micheladasmusings.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Paige</td><td class="xl65">Maxim</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://delightfullittlegems.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">http://delightfullittlegems.blogspot.com/</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Laurie </td><td class="xl65">Vyselaar </td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.lefthandjewelry.wordpress.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.lefthandjewelry.wordpress.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Marybeth</td><td class="xl65">Rich</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://forestofjewels.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">http://forestofjewels.blogspot.com/</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Alice</td><td class="xl65">Peterson</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.alice-dreaming.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.alice-dreaming.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Kim</td><td class="xl65">Dworak</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.cianciblue.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">http://www.cianciblue.blogspot.com/</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Audrey</td><td class="xl65">BĂ©langer</td><td class="xl66"><span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://esperianterra.blogspot.ca/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;">http://esperianterra.blogspot.ca/</a></span></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Karen</td><td class="xl65">mitchell</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.overthemoon-design.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.overthemoon-design.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Joan</td><td class="xl65">Williams</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.lilrubyjewelry.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.lilrubyjewelry.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Jean</td><td class="xl65">Wells</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://jeanawells.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">jeanawells.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Ann</td><td class="xl65">Schroeder</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.beadlove.wordpress.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.beadlove.wordpress.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Gail</td><td class="xl65">Accinelli</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://facebook.com/oregonmadejewelry" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">facebook.com/oregonmadejewelry</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Tania</td><td class="xl65">Spivey</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.moobiegracedesigns.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.moobiegracedesigns.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Mallory </td><td class="xl65">Hoffman</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://rosebud101-fortheloveofbeads.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">http://rosebud101-fortheloveofbeads.blogspot.com/</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Mary K</td><td class="xl65">McGraw</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://mkaymac.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">mkaymac.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Shai</td><td class="xl65">Williams</td><td class="xl66"><span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://www.shaihasramblings.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;">www.shaihasramblings.com/</a></span></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Beth--you are here!</td><td class="xl65">Emery--------------></td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://storiesbyindigoheart.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">storiesbyindigoheart.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Catie</td><td class="xl65">Doman</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://drcatie.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">http://drcatie.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Lorelei</td><td class="xl65">Eurto</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://http/lorelei1141.blogspot.com" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">Http://lorelei1141.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Lee</td><td class="xl65">Koopman</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.stregajewellry.wordpress.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.stregajewellry.wordpress.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Tammy</td><td class="xl65">Adams</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.paisleylizard.com/blog/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.paisleylizard.com/blog/</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Katie</td><td class="xl65">Nelson</td><td class="xl66"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/katiebead" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">https://www.facebook.com/katiebead</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Patty</td><td class="xl65">Miller</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://pattymillerbeads.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">http://pattymillerbeads.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Chris</td><td class="xl65">Eisenberg</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.wanderware.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.wanderware.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Cassi</td><td class="xl65">Paslick</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://badatbeingmom.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">http://badatbeingmom.blogspot.com/</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Charlee</td><td class="xl65">Griffith</td><td class="xl66"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/charlee.griffith" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">https://www.facebook.com/charlee.griffith</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Kelli</td><td class="xl65">Nelson</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.afamilyaffarekelli.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.afamilyaffarekelli.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Catherine</td><td class="xl65">King</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://catherines-musings.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">http://catherines-musings.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Melissa</td><td class="xl65">Trudinger</td><td class="xl66"><span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://beadrecipes.wordpress.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;">beadrecipes.wordpress.com</a></span></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Susan</td><td class="xl65">Bowie</td><td class="xl66"><a href="https://susanbowie.wordpress.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">https://susanbowie.wordpress.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Jennifer</td><td class="xl65">Justman</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.soulsfiredesigns.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.soulsfiredesigns.blogspot.com/</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Cassi</td><td class="xl65">Paslick</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://badatbeingmom.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">http://badatbeingmom.blogspot.com/</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">K</td><td class="xl65">Hutchinson</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://jumbledhutch.wordpress.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">http://jumbledhutch.wordpress.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Veralynne</td><td class="xl65">Malone</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.veradesigns.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.veradesigns.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Evie and Beth</td><td class="xl65">McCord</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://ebbeadandmetalworks.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">http://ebbeadandmetalworks.blogspot.com/</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Mihaela</td><td class="xl65">Georgescu</td><td class="xl70"><a href="http://michellemaya2005.wordpress.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">http://michellemaya2005.wordpress.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Rebecca</td><td class="xl65">Anderson</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.songbeads.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">Www.songbeads.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Charlene </td><td class="xl65">Jacka</td><td class="xl67"><a href="http://www.clay-space.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;">www.clay-space.com</a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Kim</td><td class="xl65">Stevens</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.pickingpoppies.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.pickingpoppies.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Susan</td><td class="xl65">McClelland</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://mistheword12.wordpress.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">Mistheword12.wordpress.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><br /></td><td class="xl65"><br /></td><td class="xl66"></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Gina</td><td class="xl65">Hockett</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.freestyleelements.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.freestyleelements.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Mona</td><td class="xl65">Arnott</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://bijouxgemsjoy.blogspot.ca/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">bijouxgemsjoy.blogspot.ca</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Sandi</td><td class="xl65">Volpe</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.sandivolpe.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.sandivolpe.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Andrea</td><td class="xl65">Glick</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://zenithjade.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">http://zenithjade.blogspot.com/</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Janine</td><td class="xl65">Lucas</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.esfera.me/travel/blog/travel-stories" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">http://www.esfera.me/travel/blog/travel-stories</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Lori</td><td class="xl65">Bowring Michaud</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.artfullyornamental.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.artfullyornamental.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Christie</td><td class="xl65">Murrow</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.charisdesignsjewelry.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">Www.charisdesignsjewelry.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">B.R.</td><td class="xl65">Kuhlman</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.mixedmayhemstudios.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.mixedmayhemstudios.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Lupe</td><td class="xl65">Meter</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.gesmpccorner.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.gesmpccorner.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Lucy</td><td class="xl65">Bejarano</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.lucybejaranojewelry.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.lucybejaranojewelry.blogspot.com/</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Stephanie</td><td class="xl65">Perry</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.mustardbeadbystephanieperry.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.mustardbeadbystephanieperry.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Elisabeth</td><td class="xl65">Auld</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.beadsforbusygals.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.beadsforbusygals.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Carolyn</td><td class="xl65">Lawson</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.carolynscreationswa.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.carolynscreationswa.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Heather</td><td class="xl65">Powers</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.humblebeads.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.humblebeads.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Katie</td><td class="xl65">Hacker</td><td class="xl66"><a href="http://www.katiehacker.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: blue;">www.katiehacker.blogspot.com</span></a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Kepi</td><td class="xl65">Rasmussen</td><td class="xl68"><a href="http://www.kepirasmussen.blogspot.ca/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;">www.kepirasmussen.blogspot.ca </a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl69" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Gail </td><td class="xl65">Vanderster-Zwang</td><td><a href="http://www.angelmoose.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;">www.angelmoose.blogspot.com</a></td></tr>
<tr height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;"><td class="xl65" height="21" style="height: 15.75pt;">Elizabeth</td><td class="xl65">Hodges</td><td><a href="http://thewhisperingseas.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;">http://thewhisperingseas.blogspot.com</a>/</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-34579145874148507202015-03-07T01:56:00.000-09:002015-03-07T01:56:21.432-09:00The Shape of Violet, chapter twohere's chapter two. if you missed chapter one, it's right <a href="http://storiesbyindigoheart.blogspot.com/2015/02/excerpt-from-my-ya-novel.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Chapter Two</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> On the tenth day the lady brought the foster family she'd
told me about, the ones I'd been thrown to. The Grants. They had a son in college
and two sets of twins; one set my age, fraternal, a boy and a girl. The
identical boys were fifteen. One of the parents wrote science fiction and the
other one taught philosophy at the university. I didn't catch which was which.
Couldn't keep anything straight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> They trooped into my room, a sea of khaki and tweed and
wool. The state lady came over, placed her hand on my bed, like we knew each
other or something. I frowned. She smiled at me. I wanted to sink into the
floor, a puddle of indigo. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "These are the Grants."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> The kids looked everywhere but at me. I studied them,
around the state lady, felt like an exposed full body wound. I still couldn't
lean back with the burns on my back. I knew I looked like shit, paler than
normal, dark circles under my eyes. I wondered what they saw when they looked
at me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Mrs. Grant came over first. "Hi, Violet. I'm
Anna." Does she pity me? How could she feel anything but pity? "It's
wonderful to meet you."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "Yes, I'm sure," I said, chastised myself. I
knew I had no choice but to live with these people. Be polite. "Nice
brood." Wondered if I could maybe cut out my tongue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> She half smiled, maybe as if she regretted the first
choice that led her here. Was it marrying him? Giving birth? Being born? Saying
yes to taking in some psycho bitch with burns on her back and arm? I fisted a
hand under the thin blanket and sheet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Mr. Grant stepped forward, put his hand on the small of
her back. She visibly relaxed, without even looking at him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I felt small and alien.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "This is Clay Grant," the state lady said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> He stuck out his hand. I blinked at it. His hand didn't
waver. I looked into his eyes. Knew that he could see my fear, so I took it.
And he just squeezed my hand, let it go. I could breathe again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "Hello, Violet," he said. "I'd like you to
meet the other kids."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Wondered how long he'd stayed awake the night before
coming up with that one. He motioned them over. They shuffled in their spots.
Were they reluctant? Horrified? Disgusted? I told my brain to shut up, tried to
stop freaking myself out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> He pointed to the fraternal set. "Adam and
Leah."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Adam stepped over, took my hand, squeezed. He was tall,
rangy, good-looking in an Ezra Miller kind of way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "Hey," he said. "Nice bed." Turned
bright red. Could he perhaps be a human being?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "Huh," I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Leah sort of smiled, let her focus slide to the floor. Long
honey hair, smooth porcelain skin, symmetrical features, wide green eyes.
Beautiful. One of the lucky few. God, I hated perfect girls.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Mr. Grant frowned at Leah, which she totally ignored,
then pointed at the other set. Adam nodded at me, stepped back. "And this
is <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Dixon</st1:place></st1:city> and Cohen.
You can tell them apart by the color of their eyes, see? <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Dixon</st1:place></st1:city>'s are light blue and Cohen's are dark.
Later you'll be able to without looking at their eyes."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I could see no discernable difference between the two of
them. They hung back, taller than the rest of the family, skinny as young birch
trees.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "Hey. What happened to your hair?" Cohen asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> “Cohen...” Mr. Grant said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I brushed the eighth-of-an-inch stubble on my head.
“Nothing.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "You play soccer?" <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Dixon</st1:place></st1:city> asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "<st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Dixon</st1:place></st1:city>..."
Mr. Grant said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "No." Curious fellows, these guys. I allowed
myself to breathe. Not so bad, not so bad, not so bad. Shut up, brain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Could I do this?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "Oh," they said together, nodded as if I'd just
admitted to never hearing Mumford and Sons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "They call it football everywhere else, you
know," Cohen said. "In South America and <st1:place w:st="on">Europe</st1:place>
and everywhere."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "Isn't that great?" <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Dixon</st1:place></st1:city> said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "Fab-o." I felt cut off, adrift as I looked at
their tidy ensemble, their obvious unit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">* * *<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly; mso-list: skip;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> They took me to their house after two more weeks in the
hospital, loaded down with pain medication and creams and stuff. My things had
already been dropped off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> The state lady sat in the living room with Mr. and Mrs.
Grant and me. She talked about my weekly visit to see a therapist, monthly
visits from her. At which point I faded out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> The house seemed so still. Not quiet. Four kids do not a
quiet house make. Music filtered down from upstairs, some indie band I couldn't
quite place, and Dixon and Cohen argued in the kitchen over the last banana. On her
cell down the hall, Leah laughed. No, not quiet, but still. Like somewhere deep
within the foundation a stone maybe transmitted a beam that repeated over and
over, "This is okay. You're okay." I sat up straighter, ready to be
vigilant, ready to fight off its effects. I'm not okay. This was not okay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> That night I stayed awake, waited for something awful to
happen. I kept expecting one of them to maybe come down and do something
horrible to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> The set-up should've been totally amazing. It took up
most of the basement and I had my own toilet and shower down the hall three
steps. I could turn my music way up and hang my paintings on the wall. A smooth
deal, right? All I had to do was go to school, do my homework, clean up after
myself. Just so long as I tried to be a good girl. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> A good girl. I didn’t know what that amounted to, or how
to be that way. They said I could paint it however I liked. A challenge? A
test? Because I could show them paint. Black with red and gray splashes. But
I’d really rather do a scene from <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:city w:st="on">Santa
Fe</st1:city></st1:place>, an adobe church against an oyster-hard blue sky,
maybe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I looked around the room, studied the boxes and
furniture. I needed to fix it, right quick, and got to it. Mother gave me all
of the plants. She always killed them. And the teapot and cups and my vast
collection of loose leaf tea. A lot of
the dishes. My laptop. All my books, sketchbooks, art supplies. My scrolled iron
bed and bookcases, my iron and oak desk and night table and special hammock
chair Uncle Stephan had given me. Everything. I should've felt pleased but I
just felt empty. It was as if she had purged me from her life, like I'd never
existed at all. I never was.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I ran down the hall and into the bathroom and threw up. I
never was to her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Was I really so bad? Hadn’t done much drinking. No drugs.
No sleeping around. I was a freaking virgin, for god's sake.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I put Liszt on, lay on my back on the floor, until I
couldn’t stand the pain from the burns. Stupid burns.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Mother and me had been making dinner. I was doing the rice,
she was doing the teriyaki chicken stir-fry. Mother's a professional chef so
she rarely cooked for me, but it was my seventeenth birthday. It was supposed
to be special. I always felt this stupid need to get her to see me, to get her
to love me. There could never be a more idiotic word than 'love.' What does it
mean, anyway? She'd never told me anything that was important to her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> We'd both had a glass of wine; we were mellow. At least,
I was. I let my guard down. I guess I'd maybe hoped she had too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> What I'd been wanting to ask her about was why she and
dad had split up. What I actually said was, "So why'd Dad leave? Greener
pastures?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Which I had instantly regretted. Words can never be taken
back. They stung like flayed skin, but unlike skin they refused to heal. Just
got filed away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Mother smacked me across the mouth. Which I'd deserved.
But I wasn't gonna let on that I thought that way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "Yeah," I said. "So's I got my
answer." Which got me a harder smack and a shove.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Which ended me up in the hospital on account of the stove
I landed on. Doctors all said it could’ve been worse. Yeah. Well. I suppose it
could’ve been them. Least wise, it wasn't my hands. I needed my hands for my
painting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> The third day in the hospital the cop and the lady from
the state showed up, asking after my unusual circumstance. Nobody'd bought my
fish story. Nobody'd listened to my protests, my promises.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Now here I sat on the slate grey carpet in a room I was
supposed to feel comfortable in, surrounded by familiar things in a house that
was utterly foreign. And maybe in the morning I wouldn’t be afraid. Maybe I
could find a new life here, settled amongst these strangers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Yeah, right. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-80011065776424100142015-02-22T17:10:00.001-09:002015-02-22T17:10:12.354-09:00excerpt from my ya novelso i thought i'd do a little excerpt from my novel here. it's about a seventeen year old girl who has been abused her whole life by her mother. the story is her dealing with the fallout of being placed in a foster home and having to look at her life from a different angle.<br />
<br />
hope you like it!<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>The Shape of Violet</b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Chapter One</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> On the fifth day Mother came to see me while the lady
from the state stood in the doorway and the cop stood by my bed, arms folded,
feet apart. Glaring at everyone. Mother looked elegant and cool, her hair in a
smooth bun, small diamonds in her ears, nails perfect. She was always perfect</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Why was I shaking? Why did I feel frozen, inside and out?
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> Shut up, traitor brain. Breathe. Just breathe. Pay
attention, I told myself. Always wool-gathering, she would tell me. Too stupid
to know my whole life was about to fall off a cliff.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I teetered on the edge of the bed. Mother stopped two
feet away when the cop held his hand out. She ignored him. I could smell her
perfume, White Shoulders, an awful sickening smell. She wore it like armor. I
stared at the scuffed linoleum beyond her left elbow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "So," she said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> My shoulders hunched up. I knew I would say something I'd
regret. "Don't you want me?" </span><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">My stomach clutched at my
inanity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> She crossed her arms. "Hmm. Tough question."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I looked up. Her face, cold and hard, close but so
distant. "Mother?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> She shook her head. "No, my dear. No more. I'll
leave you alone if you'll leave me alone."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "But..."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> "You'll be fine."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> She turned, left. Her polished, confident walk took her
away from me, like she wouldn't be leaving anything behind. I listened to her
heels click</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">ing against the floor until
there was nothing but me. Alone. I heard a rushing, water-like sound in my
ears.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> The</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> state lady cleared her
throat, shuffled her feet. She smelled of nicotine, hair a frizzled brass. She
touched my arm but I pulled away. She hesitated</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">, mumbled something I
couldn't understand before leaving. The cop glanced at me. I didn't let him
catch my gaze. Then he left, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> I sat there, homeless. I'd always been afraid, but now it
felt like a full body burn, first degree. Even my skin wasn't safe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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that's all of chapter one. it's a really short chapter.</div>
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<br /></div>
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what do you think? </div>
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<br /></div>
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hope you're all having a fabulous weekend!</div>
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indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-67206664275406917482015-02-19T23:00:00.000-09:002015-02-19T23:00:13.973-09:00intention word for 2015<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">create</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
this year is going to be all about my art. i'm going to draw more.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFC9SPsRR9ECc2BLYX8nR75xWVvn83jL2akhrMxteQY77pBzeV2YjfrlR6n8w8NiG8CcKDWqJogVefc_W1AV1E_j62oeiqyR4eVGfsCv85G5WWnMKl9IgvXZ_sWfVDNGNFz7DFetAHTmlD/s1600/drawing+hand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFC9SPsRR9ECc2BLYX8nR75xWVvn83jL2akhrMxteQY77pBzeV2YjfrlR6n8w8NiG8CcKDWqJogVefc_W1AV1E_j62oeiqyR4eVGfsCv85G5WWnMKl9IgvXZ_sWfVDNGNFz7DFetAHTmlD/s1600/drawing+hand.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">by alan m. clark</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
i'm going to paint again.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinFF7ecJ8u6XrI0AHPNyd_GOH83lL0HP0hZiR54sg41fVY1HCBzCx17jMltTQYSQ2YOVqW-5T-K8FzmK8KAkFMQV9IbxuOsjh0T62PtjTDRG9XwcjzUJjbPvw4gDlbUKYdZVByMH62egIr/s1600/dove.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinFF7ecJ8u6XrI0AHPNyd_GOH83lL0HP0hZiR54sg41fVY1HCBzCx17jMltTQYSQ2YOVqW-5T-K8FzmK8KAkFMQV9IbxuOsjh0T62PtjTDRG9XwcjzUJjbPvw4gDlbUKYdZVByMH62egIr/s1600/dove.jpg" height="400" width="393" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">by me</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: left;">
i'm going to write *every day* and this year i'm going to start my earnest search for an agent.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
i'm going to make more jewelry.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJAm2D26oEI0nhSvXIjhdBUvvR9pADAy2cvGekNtAy7APsKMq9thmbe63xhrqzvglYAN8l1y67wVDDiqkNusbtgP0bbn-K2vqqcLSB1Ai0wu8SoWDzzsMGST46QdG9PPWJFlPE6yvRCpVI/s1600/thanks1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJAm2D26oEI0nhSvXIjhdBUvvR9pADAy2cvGekNtAy7APsKMq9thmbe63xhrqzvglYAN8l1y67wVDDiqkNusbtgP0bbn-K2vqqcLSB1Ai0wu8SoWDzzsMGST46QdG9PPWJFlPE6yvRCpVI/s1600/thanks1.jpg" height="400" width="393" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">piece i made for my magical sister<br /><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaVdHhO86ns3I4l3qpbedE0vvOFB4j-68VRfomk4TuUAIDjzvxF8J86EsCMlZLf5BLlm3r1iiuHGAsUtL0i9Jr0mMgYCzYtrZYZ5MWhPd0Q8Wcr_wUu0yvCmmdZOKE83zBUp7-II-eOZXj/s1600/bsbp8-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaVdHhO86ns3I4l3qpbedE0vvOFB4j-68VRfomk4TuUAIDjzvxF8J86EsCMlZLf5BLlm3r1iiuHGAsUtL0i9Jr0mMgYCzYtrZYZ5MWhPd0Q8Wcr_wUu0yvCmmdZOKE83zBUp7-II-eOZXj/s1600/bsbp8-7.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">earrings i made for myself</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: left;">
i'm going to read art books and novels and poetry.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
i'm going to do great nail art at work.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAJOPGzlD_jfe0Pz4z5GYDmnP0uv8m2CX0uPKbCxSVLD4DSpX2mDdVXrQ63SHNeX8xvwM1cJTX2IIw5_3-CS19ulI-4d_rFT93Nll5GGXM-tbkLKzM0j07NWjYJoG_TWzQHmmTmYaqp0SK/s1600/IMG_1456.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAJOPGzlD_jfe0Pz4z5GYDmnP0uv8m2CX0uPKbCxSVLD4DSpX2mDdVXrQ63SHNeX8xvwM1cJTX2IIw5_3-CS19ulI-4d_rFT93Nll5GGXM-tbkLKzM0j07NWjYJoG_TWzQHmmTmYaqp0SK/s1600/IMG_1456.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">nails by me</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: left;">
and maybe, just maybe, i will find myself again.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-37377399118761767042015-02-18T15:26:00.001-09:002015-02-18T15:26:46.177-09:00time fliesso, okay, my dears. it's been *forever.* right? so sorry.<br />
<br />
updates:<br />
<br />
my little fur-baby died. oh, nene, how i miss you still!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9f1wgMaOFt8uu13G4ir6ACFg2xnVfdSZpdMgp-SATpwkSkLwZYQXT2lH-vF-dk0njPBNBAQEFkTu6q_uYfQ5WSdt4vln8vOTFecL6Ywgxf6V03Hwq7EvGIbJfLwBY-qBiIlroVpb4DcBi/s1600/014.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9f1wgMaOFt8uu13G4ir6ACFg2xnVfdSZpdMgp-SATpwkSkLwZYQXT2lH-vF-dk0njPBNBAQEFkTu6q_uYfQ5WSdt4vln8vOTFecL6Ywgxf6V03Hwq7EvGIbJfLwBY-qBiIlroVpb4DcBi/s1600/014.JPG" height="478" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
notice her little red rimmed eye there? allergies.<br />
<br />
she died from liver failure on memorial day, 2014. my heart broke that day. she was my shadow, my joy. she trusted me completely. there will never be another cat who will own my heart as nene did. oh, i loved her so very much.<br />
<br />
then in september of last year i had surgery on my spine--c3 through c7 were fused (they're in the neck) and c4 and c5 got a nice plate with screws 'cause they were all wibbly-wobbly. oy! the pain. i'm finally getting some strength back, but it's supposed to take a year to get better.<br />
<br />
i was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. searching for answers there. still looking for viable treatments.<br />
<br />
and now, for the good stuff!<br />
<br />
i'm drawing and painting again! yay, yay, yay!<br />
<br />
and (drumroll, please) i'm working on my YA novel again, and started a new one. so exciting to be writing again.<br />
<br />
i've pulled back from jewelry some, just because i lost a lot of usability in my left arm before the surgery. it's slowly coming back, but there's been some permanent nerve damage and i don't have a whole bunch of fine motor skills, like i used to have. even my right arm was damaged some. so. rethinking things. hence, the delving back into drawing, painting, and writing.<br />
<br />
and now, for the really big news:<br />
<br />
last i left, i announced i was going to become a nail tech. and i *have.* i'm working at Sally's Salon of Style. i *love* it. yay, yay, yay!!!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0rBhh2yO_bGmUXEGMEYtRsSz1ah4REniauhpNel-yB7f3h0661D4K2HUjOA7uRiAExaBVdePDJ_CdY83gndD7Qjzjs5v-pB5bVIuymaNvTZ0x-2iOym3bhZ-SPSWNJbnfZ_iHIhnlf03I/s1600/IMG_1447.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0rBhh2yO_bGmUXEGMEYtRsSz1ah4REniauhpNel-yB7f3h0661D4K2HUjOA7uRiAExaBVdePDJ_CdY83gndD7Qjzjs5v-pB5bVIuymaNvTZ0x-2iOym3bhZ-SPSWNJbnfZ_iHIhnlf03I/s1600/IMG_1447.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
we're actually in the process of moving to a new place, where i'll get my own room and get to help with the decorating. (!) my boss is *amazing* and so supportive. oh, i'm a lucky girl.<br />
<br />
wishing you all the best. <3 p=""></3>indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-20681349053082564712014-05-10T17:32:00.001-08:002014-05-10T17:52:34.503-08:00bead soup blog party 8 ~ better late than never!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNnVIAHyP_9q4ZUeCwwW0xpWurwZgR3kzZSPh9mOdA-G2DKIeU6JcCh7C_MYxXg8zkPJGz90mzO6fWM-z9P1xN1eVe51u_nqXgWI10602aaZqPr4I4UYMqXV5hNtEKLXY-ZfZ_ewp1e_5i/s1600/welcome-8bsbp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNnVIAHyP_9q4ZUeCwwW0xpWurwZgR3kzZSPh9mOdA-G2DKIeU6JcCh7C_MYxXg8zkPJGz90mzO6fWM-z9P1xN1eVe51u_nqXgWI10602aaZqPr4I4UYMqXV5hNtEKLXY-ZfZ_ewp1e_5i/s1600/welcome-8bsbp.jpg" height="276" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
so sorry i'm late today!!! apologies to lori and my fabulous partner, becky pancake.<br />
<br />
now i'm sure you all know about <a href="http://www.prettythingsblog.com/">lori anderson's</a> magnificent brain-child, the now-famous bsbp. from it's inception, lori wanted to encourage beaders to blog, to make friends, to have fun. and it's been such a fabulous ride! this is my third time participating. i feel so very lucky to once again be a part of this very cool party.<br />
<br />
so, we come to my partner, <a href="http://beckypancakebeaddesigns.blogspot.com/">becky pancake</a>. thank you, lori, for creating a kismet-y kind of alchemy. i felt at once a sort of kinship with dear becky. i forgot to take a photo before i sent off my soup, so visit <a href="http://beckypancakebeaddesigns.blogspot.com/">here</a> to see what i sent becky and to see what she did. i'm so excited! i haven't visited her blog yet and i'm on pins and needles!<br />
<br />
okay, on to the cosmically gorgeous soup becky sent to me.<br />
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are you not *dying?* gorgeous!!!<br />
<br />
and that art bead!!!<br />
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<br />
oh, glory. thank you, thank you, thank you, becky-of-awesomeness!!!<br />
<br />
and then, the *terror.* that i would mess. it. up. 'cause damn, that's some seriously awesome soup. and i was afraid my skills, my whatever, weren't up for the challenge. but i pulled up my big girl panties and slurped some hutztpah and got. down. to. it.<br />
<br />
first i borrowed a bit from lorelei eurto and laid the art bead *horizontally,* wiring it with some bronze wire from my stash.<br />
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<br />
becky and i got to talking about inspiration and favorite colors and metals. i draw my inspiration mostly from nature, and i tend to stick with silver and copper and cool colors. so as a challenge for me, becky sent warm colors and antique brass, but stuck to my nature theme. is she not totally awesome?!?<br />
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i pulled out some of my sari silk and found this gorgeous chocolate strand. becky sent two closures, a brass toggle and a vintage wood and leather button. how could i resist a vintage button?!?<br />
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<br />
delicious!<br />
<br />
i made a drapey tangle of beads and chain to dangle from the the focal.<br />
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<br />
becky included shell, wood, glass, jasper, and bird's eye rhyolite in my soup. yummy!<br />
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i was so pleased with how it turned out!<br />
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i'm not one for matching earrings, but i thought *coordinating* earrings weren't outside the realm of doable, so i pulled out a brass/bronze alloy charm i made a couple weeks ago and wrapped two of the glass leaves i still had from my soup. i'm keeping this set for myself, and i never wear symmetrical earrings, so these earrings are asymmetrical.<br />
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<br />
i had ever so much fun! thank you again, lori! and to becky: you are a-maz-ing. thank you for being my partner! go fly, girl. you were born with wings, so use them.<br />
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now go visit the rest of the participants!!!<br />
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #191919; font-family: 'Open Sans'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24.64000129699707px; text-align: center;">
Lori Anderson, Hostess <a href="http://www.prettythingsblog.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;">www.PrettyThingsBlog.com</a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #191919; font-family: 'Open Sans'; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24.64000129699707px; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 4.65pt;">
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Tina Bosh <a href="http://bookbug-somanybookssolittletime.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;">http://bookbug-somanybookssolittletime.blogspot.com/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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Maire Dodd <a href="http://mairedodd.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: none;">http://mairedodd.blogspot.com/</a><br /></div>
indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-82566628146950945522013-09-30T19:22:00.000-08:002013-09-30T19:22:10.791-08:00this songwow. just wow.<br />
<br />
<b style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">"Pushing Back The Dark"</b><br />
<b>by josh wilson</b><br />
<div style="border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px 10px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
One million reasons why, you shouldn't even try.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />After all you're just one heart, a single candle in the dark.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />And there are shadows here, feeding on your fears,<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />That you don't have what it takes - who are you to make a change?<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />But oh, oh, don't underestimate the God you follow.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Whatever you do, just don't look back.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Oh somebody needs the light you have.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Keep on pushing back the dark,<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Keep on pushing back the dark.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />The city on a hill, it should be shining still.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Every sinner saved by grace, has a purpose, has a place<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Inside the bigger plan, we might not understand.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />But if we just keep walking on, we will see the Kingdom come, yeah.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Whatever you do, just don't look back.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Oh somebody needs the light you have.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Keep on pushing back the dark,<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Keep on pushing back the dark.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />(Let your lights all shine...)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Oh, oh, don't underestimate the God you follow.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />He is the light that burns inside your soul,<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />So keep on shining 'til the whole world knows.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Whatever you do, just don't look back.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Oh somebody needs the light you have.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Keep on pushing back the dark,<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Just keep on pushing back the dark, dark.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Whatever you do, just don't look back.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Cause somebody needs the light you have.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Keep on pushing back the dark,<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Keep on pushing back the dark, yeah<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />(Let your lights all shine)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />When you feel like you're too small<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />(Let your lights all shine)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />To do any good at all<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />(Let your lights all shine)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Like a sunrise through the window<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />(Let your lights all shine)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Like a symphony crescendo<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />(Let your lights all shine)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />We are waking up again, we are rising from the dead<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />(Let your lights all shine)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />We are shining like the stars, we are pushing back the dark<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />(Let your lights all shine)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Yeah, we are pushing back, pushing back the dark<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />(Let your lights all shine)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />We are pushing back, we are pushing back, pushing back the dark<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />(Let your lights all shine)<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Just pushing back, we are pushing back, pushing back the dark<br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 1em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />(Let your lights all shine)</div>
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<div>
i was driving up the hill to pick up my sister from campus and this song came on. i'd never heard it before and i just started crying because God was *talking* *to* *me.* i was just blown away with it. how it encapsulated what i'd been feeling and then *answered* it. </div>
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so, thank you, josh wilson, even though you'll never read this. thank you, God! wow. thank you, God, for loving me. even me.</div>
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indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-37987324296045325972013-09-18T16:05:00.000-08:002013-09-18T16:05:32.148-08:00summer's endit came today; the snow.<br />
<br />
great, white, fluffy flakes falling down from a darkened sky. ah, how i wish summer could go on forever! and maybe that's what heaven will be like. {fingers crossed}<br />
<br />
but part of me is oh, so happy because now i can *breathe.* breathing is good, right?<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg3f6L2LCnP9MZVf1917V7zKNdKJyzltIm0mrBqbpOLZ0rn0YR7R4N2CF-EIMPvONjLAk5BtdvzAjHOvbOCVnb1gvzNERPPb0UygVE4OfSDxiaTsbB9R3JOZ3Civs_83VS0xEozd6bBIdv/s1600/just+breathe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg3f6L2LCnP9MZVf1917V7zKNdKJyzltIm0mrBqbpOLZ0rn0YR7R4N2CF-EIMPvONjLAk5BtdvzAjHOvbOCVnb1gvzNERPPb0UygVE4OfSDxiaTsbB9R3JOZ3Civs_83VS0xEozd6bBIdv/s1600/just+breathe.jpg" /></a></div>
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in summer we just *go, go, go.*</div>
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and last saturday becca and i chose to make that our *last* saturday at market. and when we woke to a thin cover of snow this morning? sooo happy i didn't have to go sit out in the cold today!!! market's on wednesday and saturday and sunday.</div>
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so. </div>
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now for the cold, the dark, the time of settling inside. i want this winter to be a time of renewal and turning inward. a time to fill the artistic well and to *create.* becca and i have committed to spend time on our etsy shop, which i'm actually really excited about. i want to finish my room and get the studio in working order so we don't have to steal time at the kitchen table. i want to paint every week and make jewelry every day. </div>
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so many plans!</div>
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God, i pray you will shine your favor on my endeavors. i pray that the works of my hands will be pleasing to you. help me shine, Father God. show me the way.</div>
indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-45334588913317519292013-07-24T19:04:00.001-08:002013-07-24T19:04:52.923-08:00goodness me, oh myso summer in alaska is *crazy.*<br />
<br />
seriously. crazy.<br />
<br />
we've just hibernated for six months and suddenly there's ***light.***<br />
<br />
all. the. time.<br />
<br />
so we run around with hearts aflutter and dogs frolicking beside us, flowers in our hair and sunlight streaming from our skin.<br />
<br />
all this to explain where i've been the past few months.<br />
<br />
out there. doing it.<br />
<br />
i wish you well, my friends!<br />
<br />
must. go. back. out. side.<br />
<br />
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<br />indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-37398562612717847972013-03-22T14:44:00.000-08:002013-03-22T14:44:30.837-08:00i'm back!oy!<br />
<br />
so sorry for the long hiatus. i've been gone, and dealing with a lot of emotional stuff. as my last post indicated, right? i hope everyone is doing well! i've missed you all so much!!!<br />
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God has been teaching me that i need to not allow others' words to impact me the way they do currently. because right now i'm living with two verbally abusive people and it's *excruciating.* i need to not take what they say to heart. i'm working on it!!!<br />
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i've figured out what i'm going to be! a nail tech!!!<br />
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here's my fist attempt. my sister loves butterflies. can you tell it's supposed to be a butterfly wing? (fingers crossed!) i haven't had any of the training yet, but i wanted to see what it's like and if i can do it. i totally loved it! i know i see all that's wrong with the manicure--i'm so self critical!--but i also am willing to embrace my beginner-ness. it's my first! so i'm trying to be gentle with myself and *not judgemental.* 'trying' being the operative word here.<br />
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i'm also taking a painting class at my church. i haven't painted in about six years. i've so missed it! here's the second painting.<br />
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i did it in one session--an hour and a half. i *never* paint that fast. it felt like it just poured out of me. again, i see all that's wrong with it. but i also really love it. i think it's a spiritual self-portrait. does that sound too kooky? i don't know...<br />
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i wish you all well! may the joy of the tiny beautiful moments in your life hit you like a thunderbolt today!indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-22503256178518573262013-01-26T13:19:00.001-09:002013-01-26T13:19:07.698-09:00into the abyssit is very hard to resist being pulled down, down, down when all you hear around you is negative voices. i don't know how to have teflon skin. how does one just shake it off instead of internalizing it? because that's what i do; just add this horrible name my brother-in-law called me to the ever-growing vastness of my own self-hate.<br />
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it is *so* *hard* to stay positive in the face of the day-to-day. yes, i made a mistake. i said i was sorry. but it's not enough, is it? i'll just never be good enough.<br />
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<br />indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-91378165202435756972013-01-12T00:32:00.000-09:002013-01-14T08:08:33.758-09:00memories and thanks blog hop reveal<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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hello, friends! and welcome, visitors!<br />
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today is the reveal for lori anderson of pretty things' memories and thanks blog hop. lori, brain-child-extraordinaire, came up with this hop idea in honor of marianne, a fan of lori's who died quite unexpectantly. go read <a href="http://www.prettythingsblog.com/">pretty things</a> to learn what marianne meant to lori.<br />
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in turn, lori proposed to those of us in the bead soup cafe on facebook to choose either marianne to honor, or someone in our own lives that has touched us deeply. a blog hop as a circle of gratitude? count me in! i really am so very honored to be here in the midst of such a lovely group of women.<br />
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those of you who have visited my little corner of this interconnected, virtual highway, may know of my sister, rebecca. i mention her often. she is, in fact, my most favorite person in this whole wide world.<br />
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i utterly adore her.<br />
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we moved around quite a bit, because of my father's job. he was a forester and botanist for the bureau of land management. i went to eight different schools! that's a lot of moving! so, really, my only consistent friend was becca. we knew each other's baggage and we knew our family's secrets. we were the victims of sexual, physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. we are each other's witnesses. we are the survivors, wandering through this desert, looking for a fresh spring and a cool tree. we are each other's springs and each other's shady place.<br />
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i love this story; when my mother brought me home from the hospital, becca couldn't wait to hold me. and the photo mother took of becca holding me is sooo adorable. she has this humongous grin on her face, me spread across her tiny lap. she had decided that i belonged to her. and that's just the way it was. we belonged to each other. sure, okay, we argued occasionally. but never seriously. we are each other's repositories of memory. she is, honestly, the only reason i'm still here today. so thank you, becca, my beloved sister. you ground me. you hold me. you remind me of who i am and why i want to stick around.<br />
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you gave me two gorgeous nieces; deborah and abigail.<br />
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i utterly adore *them* now, too. so becca, you have brought more love to my life. i couldn't be complete without all of you. thank you, thank you, thank you. i don't think i'll ever be able to express what you've meant to me, becca. you were the person who showed me there was good in the world, that there is light here on earth, even in the midst of this dark night. you showed me what hope looks like. you pointed me to the Light of the World; Abba-Father, Jesus, Son of God. you led me out of the wilderness. and you held my hand when i was afraid, in the midst of the wilderness.<br />
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i decided to make something green, because becca's favorite color is green. i used freshwater pearls, because her favorite stones are pearls.<br />
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please forgive my terrible photos. my camera is in the throes of death. the macro button no longer registers, so i'm hovering over the work, shaking dreadfully. at least i can still turn off the flash, right?<br />
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here is my button and peanut sead bead ring clasp. i love making my own clasps!!!<br />
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the wire work is in honor of my sister's a-maz-ing wirework art necklaces. here is one of them.<br />
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she was inspired by the irish mermaids who rescue drowning sailors, instead of the more common vengeful mermaids you read about from elsewhere. i love her work!!! we share a business; two sisters, and sell our jewelry at the local farmers market. it's such a treat to spend all day with her twice a week in the summer. i look forward to those days, since she is so busy most of the time, with her little family and her teaching job.<br />
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here is the bulk of my piece. all of the pieces were chosen especially for becca; her favorites colors and stones and things and some of what she means to me. i'll try to explain everything.<br />
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first; the leaves. there are several, in different materials and colors. since our father was a forester and both of us were born in oregon, we both have *exceedingly strong views* on our land resources, specifically the trees. when we lived in oregon it was the early to mid-seventies, when they were wisely managing the forests. when they moved dad to california to work in the deserts, the blm shifted their focus. maybe lost their focus. i don't know the politics of it. suffice it to say, the powers that be switched from wise management to cutting down huge swaths of old-growth forests. you could say rebecca and i are deeply troubled by this decision. you wouldn't be anywhere near the root of our anger. so; leaves for our childhood camping trips to the woodlands that are now gone. there is a striated stone on the top there that was gathered, cut, polished, and drilled by a friend of ours from farmers market. my father was also a rockhound. i remember weekend trips out to the desert to dig in the sand to find garnets and trips to the beach to find agates and trips to the forests to find petrified wood. both my sister and i have a deep and passionate love for rocks and an affection for those who call themselves rockhounds. the key symbolizes how she knows the quickest way to unlock my heart. i trust her. i freely gave her that key. the magic polymer clay bead is one i made myself, and refers to the rich imaginative worlds we created together throughout our whole lives. her favorite beads are crystals, so i put several in, just for sparkle. she does love her sparkle. :) there are several briolettes, because that's her favorite bead shape. and the long brass drop is for whimsy. everyone needs a bit of whimsy, especially becca, because she tends to go all serious much too often. i guess we both tend to do that!<br />
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there it is, my homage to my beloved sister. let me leave you with the signifigance of the wing, probably the most important part.<br />
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becca, i want you to remember to *fly* this next year. *fly* *free.* for you carry my heart in your hands, and that heart is often quite heavy. so fly free, dear one. you don't have to carry it anymore. i've got yours, for now. so fly free. and feel the release of blessed, blessed quietness in your soul. God is your rest, and your hiding place. he makes you to soar on the wings of eagles.<br />
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my sister is participating in this blog hop! please visit her blog <a href="http://www.godsartistinresidence.blogspot.com/">here</a>.<br />
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here is the list for the rest of the hop. happy memories everyone! and thanks, for stopping by.<br />
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Hostess, Lori Anderson <a href="http://www.prettythingsblog.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: initial;">Pretty Things</a><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"> Adlinah Kamsir <a href="http://www.dreamstruckdesigns.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: initial;">Dream Struck Designs</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Stephanie Haussler <a href="http://www.pixybugdesigns.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: initial;">Pixybug Designs</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Tania Spivey <a href="http://www.moobiegracedesigns.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: initial;">Moobie Grace Designs</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Terri G. <a href="http://www.terrisbloomingideas.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: initial;">Blooming Ideas</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Terry Carter <a href="http://www.tappingflamingo.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: initial;">Tapping Flamingo</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Terry Matuszyk <a href="http://www.pinkchapeau.wordpress.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: initial;">Pink Chapeau Vintage Jewelry</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Toltec Jewels <a href="http://www.jewelschoolfriends.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: initial;">Jewel School Friends</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Tracy Kruse <a href="http://goldkissesart.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: initial;">Goldkisses Art</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Tracy Martin <a href="http://www.nutkittensjewelry.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: initial;">Nutkitten's Jewelry</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Zia Parks <a href="http://www.anzipanzisworkshoppe.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: initial;">Anzi~Panzi's Work Shoppe</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Zoe Marcin <a href="http://www.beadsteaandsweets.blogspot.com/" style="color: #d82898; text-decoration: initial;">Beads, Tea and Sweets</a></span></span></div>
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<!--3-->indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-50195061799974258762013-01-07T13:14:00.001-09:002013-01-07T13:19:16.870-09:00my intention word for 2013hello, friends! i'm so excited right now!!! God just told me my word for this year. i've been praying about this for about a month and coming up *blank* and *annoyed at myself.* but God's timing is best, right? so, my word is:<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><i><u>melt</u></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><i><u><br /></u></i></b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNGoPdxlL4Y5fLj7NNHHHoQ1jn7S9SDRecT8J9buewO0zsSyovKCmeHf9hg4oMGkwzNL4x5D-To8FgPyapUoM7eozOshg2VoLLCD5rHH479UL8BqEh6dKbuVNl0fkq5fW0OxzrlPs_NmlU/s1600/melt-2013word.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNGoPdxlL4Y5fLj7NNHHHoQ1jn7S9SDRecT8J9buewO0zsSyovKCmeHf9hg4oMGkwzNL4x5D-To8FgPyapUoM7eozOshg2VoLLCD5rHH479UL8BqEh6dKbuVNl0fkq5fW0OxzrlPs_NmlU/s1600/melt-2013word.jpg" /></a></div>
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already utterly fitting, right? annoyed at myself? silly, bethiboo!</div>
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so the story behind this word came about in a rather round-about fashion, which i'm beginning to think God delights in. he is so *funny!* </div>
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i went to a conference at my church over the new year weekend. it was titled 'let go, let God' and the name alone spoke to me. doesn't that fit with what's going on in my life, friends? and truly, God was speaking directly to my heart that weekend! right off the bat, andrew scarborough, youth pastor at a pentacostal church in melbourne, australia, said when he walked in the church building he had this sudden, intense pain in his right arm, and he wondered if anyone was dealing with that kind of pain. three people raised their hands, and i was one of them! i had just been complaining to my sister about *all* the *pain* i'm struggling with, lately. so everybody prayed for the three of us. so cool! and then after the service i went over to pastor dave for individual prayer for my relationship with my mom. he said a great prayer, and then afterward said he had gotten this picture of *ice melting around my heart.* and when he said, 'melt,' i felt this *deep rightness.* like utter truth was being spoken to me. </div>
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wow. God is so cool.</div>
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and then the *next* night, andrew had a word of knowledge for me. he said God was doing a powerful restorative work in me. he said God's light shines from me. he said i was *beautiful.* i shook my head, and he repeated himself until i stopped shaking my head and just sat there, totally and utterly dumbstruck.</div>
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he had touched on a deep inner wound. my father never once told me i was pretty. when i asked my mom if i was pretty, she would said i looked cute. not that i *was* cute, (which is a totally stupid word, anyway. *cute.* what does that *mean?*) but that i *looked* cute. like, against all odds, that day my hair was feeling friendly and my clothes were snazzy. um, yeah. so, not pretty. very, very *un*-pretty, in fact. and when i reached puberty my father was sort of dumbstruck. like overnight i had become someone else. maybe i had. but why did he just cut me off cold? anyway. and *no-one* has ever told me i'm beautiful, since. so my assumption has been that i'm ugly. very, very ugly.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfwict6CLEoXhIG0l2dhaElF5CYPTZYGhGVVqLChjaxgoWrruSsWIeeK_6gc5O8lhVEhF-bKmUthloqCgUTdh5WV7FJUlJi8_XJ2b9TQ23ADe9Tq0ZQ75ib98hsynxrhSudOWCS1QNMGu2/s1600/self-portrait10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfwict6CLEoXhIG0l2dhaElF5CYPTZYGhGVVqLChjaxgoWrruSsWIeeK_6gc5O8lhVEhF-bKmUthloqCgUTdh5WV7FJUlJi8_XJ2b9TQ23ADe9Tq0ZQ75ib98hsynxrhSudOWCS1QNMGu2/s320/self-portrait10.jpg" width="261" /></a></div>
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when andrew said i was beautiful, it felt as if *God* was saying that to me. my Abba~Father thinks i'm beautiful. wow. maybe nobody else does. but *God* does.</div>
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i felt a bit of the ice melt. melt me, Father~God!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLDxmVGZ8RXqq5ua61z3kPr2fKJtv8FSibyF2mbe2NbOP2R-rwku38UCKLGY1uHyLmNi1USBdqVOVkBpde8K8Tzldlpkf1x_GpEd3Edc7bEhAJuwqFVB1AMI75AvwOGKenseXCoPJQ7Hy5/s1600/melt-2013word3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLDxmVGZ8RXqq5ua61z3kPr2fKJtv8FSibyF2mbe2NbOP2R-rwku38UCKLGY1uHyLmNi1USBdqVOVkBpde8K8Tzldlpkf1x_GpEd3Edc7bEhAJuwqFVB1AMI75AvwOGKenseXCoPJQ7Hy5/s640/melt-2013word3.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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melt my resentment. melt my overwhelming fear of failure, of pain, of *everything.* melt my coldness. melt me, Abba. melt all that is dross.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje7LCV6uBncfxAhDUmLoBmUUtYfu6T3TnGphcds30zXPTdO2kz5P3JQ-qUWh9TN-soMvOhb_cmWvF50qZ2QtD7GAFd8RSIVjVkBgSEay9B0UJW9r_MXO7hC3Ilw3ayewwXboGOQxd4XfKC/s1600/melt-2013word4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje7LCV6uBncfxAhDUmLoBmUUtYfu6T3TnGphcds30zXPTdO2kz5P3JQ-qUWh9TN-soMvOhb_cmWvF50qZ2QtD7GAFd8RSIVjVkBgSEay9B0UJW9r_MXO7hC3Ilw3ayewwXboGOQxd4XfKC/s400/melt-2013word4.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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spring up in me living waters. let me overflow. soak me, Father~God. drench me in your love, in your Abiding Presence.</div>
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you were born with wings.</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">because you'd forgotten,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">hadn't you?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">You were born with potential</span></div>
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</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
You were born with goodness and trust</div>
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You were born with ideals and dreams</div>
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You were born with greatness</div>
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You were born with wings</div>
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You are not meant for crawling, so don't.</div>
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You have wings</div>
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Learn to use them, and fly.</div>
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- rumi</div>
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<span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and <b>melt</b>. and flow like a living stream. break through like a rushing river. gush like a waterfall released from the winter of your despair.</span></span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9x7Ui5Zu3XV3ynqjUwvLXGUdie0N8CAe8yC5jm7NI5qtEvAIN33gcXimjHY2RFOw0Nni9SEbMeZPG59kbzn6HHAVTEG6-M6e17S6_d8wchkoDiVck8fGY748InLUCf3NIuglIW0MIdTyq/s1600/melt-2013word6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9x7Ui5Zu3XV3ynqjUwvLXGUdie0N8CAe8yC5jm7NI5qtEvAIN33gcXimjHY2RFOw0Nni9SEbMeZPG59kbzn6HHAVTEG6-M6e17S6_d8wchkoDiVck8fGY748InLUCf3NIuglIW0MIdTyq/s640/melt-2013word6.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/trenchcoatjedi/3409428890/in/set-72157615841957828">flickr</a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">melt me, Father~God. so that i can fly. because God created me with wings. and no one who is locked in winter-ice can fly. and oh, how i want to fly!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU8IrOsat_-iGXRtZFGJE52rMx8jE-pTXEJAXvNzTQ11WwWdJxbeMV0Lu4svaFYVGnTpVVJ-uCBaJ02tD0Veq6YULwJ7QsaIKVlWo5x7HB97x2xnjFS71R65nHMjwRzu02X1Xs3TyDBwJW/s1600/fly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU8IrOsat_-iGXRtZFGJE52rMx8jE-pTXEJAXvNzTQ11WwWdJxbeMV0Lu4svaFYVGnTpVVJ-uCBaJ02tD0Veq6YULwJ7QsaIKVlWo5x7HB97x2xnjFS71R65nHMjwRzu02X1Xs3TyDBwJW/s640/fly.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">loose these ice-bonds wrapped around my heart, Abba.<span style="font-size: 12px;"> </span></span></span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">melt</b><span style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> me. </span></span><span style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">this is the c</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">ry of my heart.</span></div>
indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-44640225677749247292013-01-02T12:45:00.000-09:002013-01-02T12:45:40.166-09:00happy new year!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmThvjzcS2Sb6nYP64CodoGaPJRv_mY1R1Ix57q1hZoGy3bcAzQbLnZM-XCFP97di_T8lJGuzIgc9NN8Yuh_zpy8DoExUxl80sT5xg7UHrYGMCHp9dbL7Efx07hU6DIsgtQANzon9XtOLM/s1600/hello.+i+love+you..jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmThvjzcS2Sb6nYP64CodoGaPJRv_mY1R1Ix57q1hZoGy3bcAzQbLnZM-XCFP97di_T8lJGuzIgc9NN8Yuh_zpy8DoExUxl80sT5xg7UHrYGMCHp9dbL7Efx07hU6DIsgtQANzon9XtOLM/s640/hello.+i+love+you..jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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i love you guys so very much!!! each one of you is infinitely precious, utterly unique, and worthy of great success and great love. shine on, you crazy diamonds!!!indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-73059099038558058562012-12-28T10:14:00.001-09:002012-12-29T17:29:32.603-09:00year in review~2012this past year i started the new tradition of choosing a word to focus on, to think about, to guide my way, and to illuminate my path. i chose 'transform.' here is a bit of what i posted on my sister's and my business blog, <a href="http://2sistersbeadwork.blogspot.com/">two sisters beading</a>:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAMd3CJOB5Jrmo0KG0zNtMCBJBUVJ7Gxz3x5PrNsomU4u9lndi6ApN9BhSfV6hQts86SGowcxKo-LpXI5WB_pXzrMgqGaUWiOHhu5wdXJFvzoKLAeb1bvFOnU2Rtf1wTvfX5IvLX-kmJLD/s1600/Monarch+chrysalis+emergence+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAMd3CJOB5Jrmo0KG0zNtMCBJBUVJ7Gxz3x5PrNsomU4u9lndi6ApN9BhSfV6hQts86SGowcxKo-LpXI5WB_pXzrMgqGaUWiOHhu5wdXJFvzoKLAeb1bvFOnU2Rtf1wTvfX5IvLX-kmJLD/s320/Monarch+chrysalis+emergence+3.jpg" width="215" /></a></div>
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trans·form</h2>
<sup></sup>  <span class="pronset"> </span></div>
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<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">to</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">change</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">in</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">form,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">appearance,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">structure;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">metamorphose.</span></span></div>
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<span class="dnindex">2.</span><br />
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<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">to</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">change</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">in</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">condition,</span> </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/browse/nature" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">nature</a><span id="hotword">, <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">character;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">convert.</span></span></div>
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<span class="dnindex">3.</span><br />
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<span name="hotword">to</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">change</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">into</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">another</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">substance;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">transmute.</span></div>
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<span class="dnindex" style="color: #2d1703; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24.75px;">4.</span><br />
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<tr><td valign="top"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">Synonyms:</span></span></td><td><a class="theColor" href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/alter" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">alter</a><span id="hotword">, <span id="hotword" name="hotword">commute,</span> </span><a class="theColor" href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/convert" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">convert</a><span id="hotword">, </span><a class="theColor" href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/cook" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">cook</a><span id="hotword">, <span id="hotword" name="hotword">denature,</span> </span><a class="theColor" href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/doctor" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">doctor</a><span id="hotword">, <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">make</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">over,</span></span><a class="theColor" href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/metamorphose" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">metamorphose</a><span id="hotword">, </span><a class="theColor" href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/mold" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">mold</a><span id="hotword">, <span id="hotword" name="hotword">mutate,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">reconstruct,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">remodel,</span> </span><a class="theColor" href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/renew" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">renew</a><span id="hotword">, </span><a class="theColor" href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/revamp" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">revamp</a><span id="hotword">,</span><a class="theColor" href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/revolutionize" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">revolutionize</a><span id="hotword">, <span id="hotword" name="hotword">shift</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">gears,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">sing</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">different</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">tune,</span> </span><a class="theColor" href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/switch" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">switch</a><span id="hotword">, <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">switch</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">over,</span></span><a class="theColor" href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/transfer" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">transfer</a><span id="hotword">, <span id="hotword" name="hotword">transfigure,</span> </span><a class="theColor" href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/translate" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">translate</a><span id="hotword">, <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">transmogrify,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">transmute,</span> </span><a class="theColor" href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/transpose" rel="nofollow" style="color: #2c4966; text-decoration: initial;">transpose</a><span id="hotword">, <span id="hotword" name="hotword">turn</span><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">around,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">turn</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">over</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">new</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">leaf,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">turn</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">corner,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">turn</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #0055bb; cursor: pointer;">tables</span></span></td></tr>
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<span id="hotword">the words i'm most interested in are renew, transfigure, and to turn over a new leaf. to change in character. to metamorphosize. exciting! and i've begun this year with a redo of my room. it is the basement of my mother's house, so i have the whole floor. i'm going to clean it up and turn half of it into a studio for my beading, polymer clay, and metalsmithing. i'm soooo excited! it's a lot of work. i'm a bit of a hoarder and i've basically just let it go, but i really want this, so i'm totally dedicated to it. wish me luck!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">i just have to say it; oh. my. god. OH. MY. GOD. i asked for all of this!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">2012 has been *the* most transformative year of my entire life. i began this year in bondage to my addiction. in bondage to my pain. in bondage to my *denial.* but God washed the scales from my eyes. he awoke me from my long hibernation. he *freed* me from my cavern of despair. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I AM AWAKE!!! </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghc6MJNJI3uAZgXcSuwwyJMrIJr9p2mTroo2A9MhGedh1uMESD7wdUcd166LK-lUU9Uyqt00qtq66Vndz26a4Mi1a85_fb7KfKWJE00hdILzemQwq7CbflxuZBIJPxLrUP90Hn8PzgbPsm/s1600/awake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghc6MJNJI3uAZgXcSuwwyJMrIJr9p2mTroo2A9MhGedh1uMESD7wdUcd166LK-lUU9Uyqt00qtq66Vndz26a4Mi1a85_fb7KfKWJE00hdILzemQwq7CbflxuZBIJPxLrUP90Hn8PzgbPsm/s1600/awake.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">and i have been asleep for so very long. two days ago i found my last journal. i read through it yesterday; it was so amazing! i started it the month before deborah was born~the end of april, 2003. i goes through my stay in seattle with becca and jake in great detail. then it becomes quite infrequent. i don't even mention dad's death. i tell about damon dropping me as a friend, and when valette moved away. all of which happened about the same time. i mention just a tiny bit of my suicide attempt. and a bit on the chronicle of my cutting. and then i'm just silent. it's rather frightening; that decline. and all that bad stuff happened right around dad dying. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">i realized i've been asleep since dad died. i don't think i ever dealt with his death. with the death of my friendship with damon, dana, bridger, and valette. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">'...at that time my heart was all broke, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">i looked like ashes and i smelled like smoke, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">and i turned away from my loving kind, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">try to leave my body and live in my mind, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">but it's much too much emotion, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">to hold it in your hand...' james taylor song~<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AOUzlFdzes">line 'em up</a>. love james taylor!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">i'm awake. i'm awake!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">a year ago i weighed 285lbs. now i'm 200lbs. i still have a ways to go (i want to get to 160) but i realized the other day that i've lost a child's worth of weight! deborah weighs 79lbs~she's nine. so i've been carrying around deborah since 2004! no wonder my knees have been killing me!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyJC7T6XTDsa1YurUKtuii903c_-sjgr99L4IlFGnmPMunOrs7azuRZGSxZ2dwNVfm_k49fr2hvHp4n2t3QfZlT0BPU9v-0lE1BUUz1dvyKalrv7LqlL800NSjt-VhBHh3eTJAkJ-n7djK/s1600/self-portrait5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyJC7T6XTDsa1YurUKtuii903c_-sjgr99L4IlFGnmPMunOrs7azuRZGSxZ2dwNVfm_k49fr2hvHp4n2t3QfZlT0BPU9v-0lE1BUUz1dvyKalrv7LqlL800NSjt-VhBHh3eTJAkJ-n7djK/s400/self-portrait5.jpg" width="287" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">last week i called three shops around town to see if they'd be interested in carrying our jewelry! i've been meaning to do that for *years.* and then i met with the ladies at <a href="http://www.expressionsinglass.net/">expressions in glass</a> and we have about 15 pieces in their shop!!! the other two shops would like to see proposals!!! so exciting!!! yesterday becca and i stopped at the alaska rag company, where we've had our stuff for a couple of years, and picked up all the unsold stock. we went through it all at home and becca took apart all her wire necklaces that were there. she's scrapping most of them, but will rebuild two of them. and i'm going to take apart most of everything, and re-card a few things. so all of that felt really, really good. proactive! powerful! effective!</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3E5Mckqh9idZysCrYdaUxhGSClD44pBOir4yiaC4LtMmrtjojlqOf1reeZZBlbUeWCQn_bdho1HYKUXQmKxvG8lMZiNIlmkRrDEhTEuceozhLEjXcAumlzTSCtRq43zMsCxt4G7OivmNJ/s1600/powerful.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3E5Mckqh9idZysCrYdaUxhGSClD44pBOir4yiaC4LtMmrtjojlqOf1reeZZBlbUeWCQn_bdho1HYKUXQmKxvG8lMZiNIlmkRrDEhTEuceozhLEjXcAumlzTSCtRq43zMsCxt4G7OivmNJ/s640/powerful.jpg" width="372" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.swirlygirl.com/">christine mason miller</a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">and two weeks ago i called my massage therapist--kerry platzky from<a href="http://www.bluestonemassagestudio.abmp.com/"> blue stone massage</a> and am trading with her to get two massages!!! and *then* i called my <a href="http://www.ridgeviewchiro.com/">chiropractor</a> and am trading with *him* to get *four* adjustments!!! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">o. m. g.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">i *can* accomplish things!!! i *can* change things. i am *capable.* i am *powerful.* i am *effective.*</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">through God i can accomplish all things. because God is alive and active in me. !!! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">this year i have revolutionized my relationship with God. i am beginning to believe God; that he is who is says he is, that he *loves* me. that i am actually a person who is worthy of love! whoa! even typing that i was resisting it. {grin} i wanted to type 'a person who *might* be worthy of love.' ah, so hard to think i'm lovable! inside i'm just that little girl who kept getting told by my father to get out of the way of the tv because he couldn't see his game. owie. to this day i hate sports with a passion. they make me feel inept and unloved and worthless. but it wasn't the sports. it wasn't *me!* it was my dad.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">God, i forgive my dad for not being who i needed him to be. i forgive my dad for being human. for being *broken.*</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Abba, i forgive *myself.* i forgive myself for making so many mistakes. for being human. for being broken. thank you for leading me to this place of brokeness so that i can finally see myself clearly. so that i can finally see *you* more clearly. wash the scales from my eyes, Father~God! continue to fear me from bondage as i seek your will in my life. lead me on the path everlasting.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Isaiah 61:1-7</span></div>
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<span class="chapter-2"><span class="text Isa-61-1" style="position: relative;"><span class="chapternum" style="bottom: 0.1em; font-size: 1.25em; font-weight: bold; left: -3em; line-height: 0.8em; position: absolute;">61 </span>The Spirit<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18845A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> of the Sovereign <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18845B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup> is on me,</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-1" style="position: relative;">because the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> has anointed<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18845C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup> me</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-1" style="position: relative;">to proclaim good news<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18845D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup> to the poor.<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18845E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup></span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-61-1" style="position: relative;">He has sent me to bind up<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18845F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></sup> the brokenhearted,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-1" style="position: relative;">to proclaim freedom<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18845G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)"></sup> for the captives<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18845H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)"></sup></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-1" style="position: relative;">and release from darkness for the prisoners,<sup class="footnote" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="[<a href="#fen-NIV-18845a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]">[<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+61&version=NIV#fen-NIV-18845a" style="color: #b37162; text-decoration: initial; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote a">a</a>]</sup></span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-61-2" id="en-NIV-18846" style="position: relative;"><sup class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">2 </sup>to proclaim the year of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>’s favor<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18846I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></sup></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-2" style="position: relative;">and the day of vengeance<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18846J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)"></sup> of our God,</span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-61-2" style="position: relative;">to comfort<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18846K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)"></sup> all who mourn,<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18846L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)"></sup></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-61-3" id="en-NIV-18847" style="position: relative;"><sup class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">3 </sup><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span>and provide for those who grieve in Zion—</span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-61-3" style="position: relative;">to bestow on them a crown<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18847M" title="See cross-reference M">M</a>)"></sup> of beauty</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-3" style="position: relative;">instead of ashes,<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18847N" title="See cross-reference N">N</a>)"></sup></span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-61-3" style="position: relative;">the oil<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18847O" title="See cross-reference O">O</a>)"></sup> of joy</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-3" style="position: relative;">instead of mourning,<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18847P" title="See cross-reference P">P</a>)"></sup></span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-61-3" style="position: relative;">and a garment of praise</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-3" style="position: relative;">instead of a spirit of despair.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-61-3" style="position: relative;">They will be called oaks of righteousness,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-3" style="position: relative;">a planting<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18847Q" title="See cross-reference Q">Q</a>)"></sup> of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-3" style="position: relative;">for the display of his splendor.<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18847R" title="See cross-reference R">R</a>)"></sup></span></span></div>
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<span class="text Isa-61-4" id="en-NIV-18848" style="position: relative;"><sup class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">4 </sup>They will rebuild the ancient ruins<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18848S" title="See cross-reference S">S</a>)"></sup></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-4" style="position: relative;">and restore the places long devastated;</span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-61-4" style="position: relative;">they will renew the ruined cities</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-4" style="position: relative;">that have been devastated for generations.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-61-5" id="en-NIV-18849" style="position: relative;"><sup class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">5 </sup>Strangers<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18849T" title="See cross-reference T">T</a>)"></sup> will shepherd your flocks;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-5" style="position: relative;">foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-61-6" id="en-NIV-18850" style="position: relative;"><sup class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">6 </sup>And you will be called priests<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18850U" title="See cross-reference U">U</a>)"></sup> of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-6" style="position: relative;">you will be named ministers of our God.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-61-6" style="position: relative;">You will feed on the wealth<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18850V" title="See cross-reference V">V</a>)"></sup> of nations,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-6" style="position: relative;">and in their riches you will boast.</span></span></div>
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<span class="text Isa-61-7" id="en-NIV-18851" style="position: relative;"><sup class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">7 </sup>Instead of your shame<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18851W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)"></sup></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-7" style="position: relative;">you will receive a double<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18851X" title="See cross-reference X">X</a>)"></sup> portion,</span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-61-7" style="position: relative;">and instead of disgrace</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-7" style="position: relative;">you will rejoice in your inheritance.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Isa-61-7" style="position: relative;">And so you will inherit<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18851Y" title="See cross-reference Y">Y</a>)"></sup> a double portion in your land,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Isa-61-7" style="position: relative;">and everlasting joy<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18851Z" title="See cross-reference Z">Z</a>)"></sup> will be yours.</span></span></div>
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indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-76858734093262114502012-12-25T08:30:00.000-09:002012-12-25T08:30:02.193-09:00merry christmas!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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merry, merry christmas, my beloved friends!<br />
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i am up earlier than everyone, sitting at the table, reading my bible study, and poking about on the interwebs. ;) i hope you all are having a marvelous holiday celebration!!!<br />
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i just have to say that this has been a roller-coaster of a year. my lovelies, i couldn't have done it without you!!! each and every one of you, whether you commented or not, have meant so much to me. the friends i have, the friends i'm getting to know, and the friends i have to meet; God bless you! you mean the world to me. <3 p="p"></3>indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-84171667936258579872012-12-19T06:07:00.000-09:002012-12-19T06:07:04.608-09:00sorrowi am just so broken for our world today. there is so much sadness. so much *sorrow.* oh, how our world groans for the Lord! and of, course, everyone wants to know *why.*<br />
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why, if our God is so good, *why* does he allow these awful things to happen? why is there evil? why is there pain? why do good people suffer?<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://preventdisease.com/news/12/050312_What-Do-Good-People-Suffer.shtml">suffering</a></td></tr>
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my dear friends, it pains me to say this. but i believe there is no complete, infallible answer. God is a god of great mystery. his ways are higher than our ways. and he has revealed only as much of himself as we can handle. *my* relationship with God is not the same relationship as yours, because you are a different person on a different path. but i would like to share my own musings on this subject.<br />
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i truly struggled with the question of evil and suffering. before i ever admitted to myself that i was suffering from abuse, i saw deep horror all around me. in elementary school, i was friends with a brother and sister who were being abused by their alcoholic father. in kotzebue, i witnessed the destruction of our native alaskans' culture through the white americanization of this people group. my best friend in high school was molested by her father for many years, and when she finally told her mother, her mother blamed her. her mother was highly respected in our church, and when my friend tried to kill herself, and was sent to a live-in treatment center, everyone in the church rallied around her mother. my friend was blamed by the church. i saw true suffering in her eyes.<br />
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my father served in the second world war; i was a later child for him~mom was twenty years younger than he was. so i grew up with someone who had been alive during the depression. someone who was a buddy to the guys who witnessed the holocaust camps. i think hitler was one of the those people who give us a glimpse of who satan truly is.<br />
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because, my friends, satan is the source of all evil and suffering. he wanted to be God, too. he wanted all that God had. he fell from grace, and God sent satan from his presence. so a creature who had been created to spend time with God for all eternity was sent away, never to be with God again. an already warped soul became utterly twisted. his purpose was gone, and he became utterly despicable. he has to destroy everything, because he is utterly destroyed. he sees people; people who were created in the image of God, who are destined to spend eternity with God. he sees what, he feels, was taken from him. and he is utterly enraged. he wants us to suffer like he suffers. he wants to take all that is good and right and twist it so we can't live the lives that God intended for us to live.<br />
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because, dear ones, God intended us to live lives of joy, in complete harmony with him! do not succumb to the lie that God doesn't care about us! he created us because he wants to spend eternity with us! he utterly adores us! he sent his son to die for us. he sacrificed his son for our souls, so that we wouldn't be seperated from him.<br />
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the real reason, to me, for evil and suffering is that God *loves us.* and he wants us to experience that love. so he gave us free will. he gave all of creation free will. because if he didn't give us free will, we'd just be robots. and he wants us to live richly! we couldn't live richly without free will. he loves us too much to make us into robots. so he gave each of us a choice. he gave us minds to reason with. he created the angels with free will. and satan turned from God, tried to make himself a god. and his fall from grace brought evil into the world. and then adam and eve chose to disobey God by listening to satan. God knew they would. he wanted us so much that he still created us, even knowing we would choose to turn from him.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.icr.org/article/4576/285/">broken dna</a></td></tr>
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satan warps this world, corrupts it, twists it. the further we get from eden and our creation, the further corrupted our world becomes. our very bodies are twisting. our immune systems are failing. our very cells are in rebellion. of course there is evil in this world! satan twists this world to his will, because he is furious. he knows when Jesus returns, his time will be over. he wants us to suffer. i actually wonder why we don't have shootings every day.<br />
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you know why we *don't* live in utter chaos? because God is *LOVE.* all that is good, all that is pure, all that is holy; that is God. you see the joy of a little baby? that is God. you see the utter devotion in a wonderful couple's eyes when they look at each other? that is but a shadow of God's love for us. he is in the majestic mountains, the roar of the pacific ocean, the infinite vastness of space. he is in an artist's rendition of the beauty around them. he is in the kindness of a stranger holding the door for a mom with her hands full of baby and groceries. he is in the utter sweetness of a ripe strawberry plucked from the wild. he is in the taste of an ice-cold mountain stream.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw3AF3FHMBpMgbIrdzSv4-rvEU68d4D371wkQbt_zt1tSF2XapuaxxgltnWCZfZCiZrtxJLpWDs03wc1Yg_JobdUXpkfAwwMcWXe8ZyLMTxvMaPuv8zCxzL71-H0xtmdIKQ-t6i1NsVj63/s1600/perseiad+meteor+shower.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw3AF3FHMBpMgbIrdzSv4-rvEU68d4D371wkQbt_zt1tSF2XapuaxxgltnWCZfZCiZrtxJLpWDs03wc1Yg_JobdUXpkfAwwMcWXe8ZyLMTxvMaPuv8zCxzL71-H0xtmdIKQ-t6i1NsVj63/s400/perseiad+meteor+shower.jpg" width="146" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/283726845245713921/">perseiad meteor shower</a></td></tr>
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he. is. love.<br />
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there are truly not words to describe the glory of our God.<br />
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he wants so much to spend time with you. do not let this horror of satan's evil to turn you from the truth of God's love for you. seek him. seek his face.<br />
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there have been many people with much more learning than me that have delved into this question. i recommend <a href="http://www.amazon.com/C.-S.-Lewis/e/B000APXBPG/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1355923906&sr=1-2-ent">c.s. lewis,</a> for one. he has two treaties on evil and suffering: '<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Problem-Pain-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060652969/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1355929293&sr=1-1&keywords=the+problem+of+pain">the problem of pain</a>' and '<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Grief-Observed-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060652381/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1355929346&sr=1-1&keywords=a+grief+observed">a grief observed.</a>' 'the problem of pain' he wrote earlier in his life, based on a lot of research. 'a grief observed' he wrote later in life while he watched his dear wife suffer a grave illness, and eventually die. i urge you to read these books if you are struggling with this issue right now. c.s. lewis was an utterly brilliant man. God truly blessed him and spoke truth through him. i also recommend phillip yancey's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Where-When-Hurts-Philip-Yancey/dp/0310245729/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1355929413&sr=1-6&keywords=philip+yancey">'where is God when it hurts?</a>' i urge you to check out some <a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/">bible</a> websites. type in 'suffering' and see what God says about it. maybe check out job or lamentations. pray. God will reveal himself to you if you truly seek him.<br />
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satan seeks to devour, but what he means for destruction, God turns to the good. God is the ultimate salvage artist; what was broken and tossed aside he turns into beauty. from ashes to beauty. from mourning to gladness. take your sorrow and brokenness to God. he wants so much to just hold us! he wants us to turn to him, to cast all our cares upon him. pour your anger on him! he can take it. for he can take even this tragedy and bring us closer to him.<br />
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i love you so much, my friends. peace be with you. may we seek God's face and be ever drawn to his glory.indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-79323747664828391472012-12-15T03:15:00.000-09:002012-12-15T03:15:00.046-09:00mnemosynehave i introduced you guys to nene? (pronounced nee-nee) no? well, here she is, in all her nerve-wracked glory.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFfhhUrYoPtX-O4L83fTh_b_3xB1pgVGXtFl1OtSkpp0yr2jlT_liO9JeAZHDcQTdCwbZpzOxUM_OlzQZuHIYutW15FFTPisacgORQl54pcYWgKszaNZCTTjuOF0JdCbVrb7Kas-g5OElO/s1600/103.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFfhhUrYoPtX-O4L83fTh_b_3xB1pgVGXtFl1OtSkpp0yr2jlT_liO9JeAZHDcQTdCwbZpzOxUM_OlzQZuHIYutW15FFTPisacgORQl54pcYWgKszaNZCTTjuOF0JdCbVrb7Kas-g5OElO/s400/103.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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blair witch, anyone? anyone?<br />
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my teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy, most scared-ed of scared kitties weighs in at six pounds. not even a big bag of sugar.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4klyI4qnWGqLJT87kGpyYW9eI4hw5XtwmnIi1V88VMbzoYO0uiPwcVAy2D7TgAHYzmucWbd3olk8xz5NwF5k29g9ke89fFYyG1qySO8meFpa9WhGKyLNFXqkNNEqWoUhyTz_42QQElDqS/s1600/sugar+bag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4klyI4qnWGqLJT87kGpyYW9eI4hw5XtwmnIi1V88VMbzoYO0uiPwcVAy2D7TgAHYzmucWbd3olk8xz5NwF5k29g9ke89fFYyG1qySO8meFpa9WhGKyLNFXqkNNEqWoUhyTz_42QQElDqS/s1600/sugar+bag.jpg" /></a></div>
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and, oh. my. good. golly. the world is a terrifying, horror filled place! people! other kitties! chairs! and all the bloody *noises!* like sneezing, for instance. so unexpected! so noisy! so sinister!<br />
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the real problem is that she's half blind. so all the moving about is *horrible.* and sometimes other people sit where she expects *me* to be sitting. so she jumps on these people's laps.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/school-horrors-my-torn-notebook/#.UMxkK2_Af48">argh!!!</a></td></tr>
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the horror!!!<br />
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it's just that the world (our house--she doesn't go outside) is so big and she is so small!<br />
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but i *utterly* *adore* her. she follows me around. she sleeps on me at night. she chirrups in the most beguiling manner. we have long conversations, her always answering with such devotion.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjo4D4jBKEiI4a153-x7d1v6C-vIgo3rO52-E8etL2n74GgSQ-gFD_9rZoeQm2nkOE6GPHXRQmWiXHrfOvv18t1vTbjfPoEPVhNLaRMAS956QY3TupndesoqF-eWKfCKZAFdsPPLNgmVKB/s1600/IMG_1191.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjo4D4jBKEiI4a153-x7d1v6C-vIgo3rO52-E8etL2n74GgSQ-gFD_9rZoeQm2nkOE6GPHXRQmWiXHrfOvv18t1vTbjfPoEPVhNLaRMAS956QY3TupndesoqF-eWKfCKZAFdsPPLNgmVKB/s640/IMG_1191.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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yes. i'm completely and utterly besotted with her. so tiny! so beautiful! so affectionate with me! if only she was affectionate with everyone in the family, then she would be so happy.<br />
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her full name is mnemosyne (pronounced nee-moss-y-nee). the original mnemosyne is the the greek goddess of memory, one of the titans. i named her after the two kitties becca and i lost just before i adopted nene. their name's were cassandra and baby. and also for my first kitty; midnight. midnight was also black, and died of feline leukemia when she was two and i was in fifth grade. so incredibly horrible. midnight's sister tiger belonged to becca. tiger was the perfect kitty. i still miss her.<br />
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so maybe nene is named for all our kitties; tiger, midnight, sox, persephone, cassandra, baby, and pandora. i will see all of them again in heaven one day. oh, glorious day!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmKEPe8c7Fga63oCPCzsaASnlC_FQvc9sB36xET3zrYkLyTJNKCHwZ_nXuuglU4TCgleyZlEq6vpoLg_n3j_zizprbSjdRVMfrYNmRyxuDyI5LsMuf_IwO9d5ILUtiIceP2Pc_UeG6TvZj/s1600/014.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="476" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmKEPe8c7Fga63oCPCzsaASnlC_FQvc9sB36xET3zrYkLyTJNKCHwZ_nXuuglU4TCgleyZlEq6vpoLg_n3j_zizprbSjdRVMfrYNmRyxuDyI5LsMuf_IwO9d5ILUtiIceP2Pc_UeG6TvZj/s640/014.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-50036078830879843292012-12-10T03:16:00.000-09:002012-12-10T03:16:23.103-09:00a life lived in defeat<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
i had an epiphany tonight.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6eh2oAnrJVixUSxs2N7AOLg77ARilEzQA2MNdmiTd2zfIzAhAgWZZywVAgKZSNoQQM_NwEftYQvi2dkCfdEHveMhOix5XlKLunVIB46ljv96QXRAu1XHCv3UKP52JzZv_tOStTjGq4ZtY/s1600/light.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6eh2oAnrJVixUSxs2N7AOLg77ARilEzQA2MNdmiTd2zfIzAhAgWZZywVAgKZSNoQQM_NwEftYQvi2dkCfdEHveMhOix5XlKLunVIB46ljv96QXRAu1XHCv3UKP52JzZv_tOStTjGq4ZtY/s400/light.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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i've been living my life with an attitude of defeat. as if i've already lost.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGJpADX08FX5MG6u5tauxh9CnUlmvRpBjAvSuE7Mtbqu0pInNC_kgkZ_RGni3lAttrtaUi2KN0YV1cAwv2qurbgNr4ikDFcYUcN_NhtCY1f1mcSgsfbwtaNqPmvl_Rh3IAjYbVmDtaY-pD/s1600/defeat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGJpADX08FX5MG6u5tauxh9CnUlmvRpBjAvSuE7Mtbqu0pInNC_kgkZ_RGni3lAttrtaUi2KN0YV1cAwv2qurbgNr4ikDFcYUcN_NhtCY1f1mcSgsfbwtaNqPmvl_Rh3IAjYbVmDtaY-pD/s400/defeat.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via pinterest<br />
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both my parents lived lives of total defeat. i just emulated their belief that no matter how hard i try, i will always fail. i've been sucked under by this lie. i've lost *years.* i've lost my reputation. i've lost countless little things i never was even aware of *having,* much less losing. oh, the shame in my heart!<br />
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i have managed to defeat every long-term goal i've ever had. i didn't even finish my public schooling! i got so horribly depressed, stopped going to classes, stopped doing anything but sleeping. and my mom didn't know what to do with me; she just knew i couldn't keep on like that, so she said i could drop out. the school counselor stamped the paperwork and didn't suggest either of the two alternative schools in town or the homeschooling option. i slipped through the cracks. but i *did* get my ged, right away. i applied to the state university in town, got accepted, and started that fall. i switched my major four times. got depressed. stopped going. applied to an art school, got a scholarship, made it to memphis, and cried for a week. went home. went to massage training. dropped out half way through. spent three (?) years just trying to get through breathing. went back to college. quit when i got a metalsmithing job. quit *that* after a year, because i got so sick, because i was so depressed...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQI53FDVZ6sw6b5hDGA8ZtemU2ZbZdvlhQ22jWU5HMyvhPuOHGt_7zHsQoiHLtMTUhh7bJkW6686pFPYsKD7ssNTXXLRAr7SbIBaeguu8lkQKiS-k-05rM3p-mOoDVQwDeoKq2PWA6vD-1/s1600/depression.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQI53FDVZ6sw6b5hDGA8ZtemU2ZbZdvlhQ22jWU5HMyvhPuOHGt_7zHsQoiHLtMTUhh7bJkW6686pFPYsKD7ssNTXXLRAr7SbIBaeguu8lkQKiS-k-05rM3p-mOoDVQwDeoKq2PWA6vD-1/s320/depression.jpg" width="250" /></a></div>
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nothing. i've accomplished nothing worthwhile. nothing of lasting value. nothing substantial to hold up to society and say, 'see, i'm not a loser.'<br />
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i desperately want to wash myself clean of this attitude of defeat.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigQctyS2cdsn7YE80ztdrUeF9Yy-g0NMvXh4tXesTPkY7jGB4hpl0wdopG-7_IBZdCJGczw_DvG9Z3TSmTJ9ub07ufAfw9Arx2pMJjYwm8Qd7QRRfkXzBjgeZRPnSw-PDDdrQFUJagYwKP/s1600/clean.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigQctyS2cdsn7YE80ztdrUeF9Yy-g0NMvXh4tXesTPkY7jGB4hpl0wdopG-7_IBZdCJGczw_DvG9Z3TSmTJ9ub07ufAfw9Arx2pMJjYwm8Qd7QRRfkXzBjgeZRPnSw-PDDdrQFUJagYwKP/s320/clean.jpg" width="282" /></a></div>
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all my life my father called me lazy. my mom sang me a song in the morning when i was tiny; 'lazy bones, sleeping in the shade, never get your days work do-o-one.' seriously? i was freaking *little!* and i'm already lazy?!? because i didn't get up at six? she thought it was cute, but i really, really, really didn't. not even when i was little. i felt guilty for sleeping! when i wasn't old enough to go to school!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ9rhyzDAyl8BXu4OaFtv4Q1ilkcYTMZhUAZT-dou_9Tt5uClzzOQEeFv_a2nK9zV9t0vm8y5bsRuUy2OKR7elK0F7wC-r3GGExjAXxrglMXrrue-chOn4fjvr9iexQBxID5iXFkly1Fgk/s1600/baby-mop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ9rhyzDAyl8BXu4OaFtv4Q1ilkcYTMZhUAZT-dou_9Tt5uClzzOQEeFv_a2nK9zV9t0vm8y5bsRuUy2OKR7elK0F7wC-r3GGExjAXxrglMXrrue-chOn4fjvr9iexQBxID5iXFkly1Fgk/s320/baby-mop.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.forcesofgeek.com/2012/11/child-labor-turn-your-lazy-baby-into.html">child labor</a></td></tr>
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i think i haven't accomplished anything because *they* never accomplished anything that was too hard. dad was on his third marriage when i came along. had three other kids he never saw, because his ex-wives hated him so much. and mom never thought she'd get married in the first place because she was fat and not very pretty. did she think if she left him she would just be a failure and never get another husband?<br />
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God called us to live our lives in victory, because He's already won. i see other people living it, and boy do i want it. how does one forgive themselves for always, always giving up when it gets hard? how does one *change* their attitude? how does one become unafraid of the pain of what i've always thought was inevitable failure?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-7MOvy6TarOuUgYbdr2QC9ZvV08_fmOct1j3qe46XfaZ3Gwgn7qe-5xJHOT70OuYYUAMG9dAqwT-7-GQhontaq8JRo4Ogl_hPpvO0xTLdzF2cJlFYyuktf8jTz1ftj9ZhaW5wJU-z1jOT/s1600/victory.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-7MOvy6TarOuUgYbdr2QC9ZvV08_fmOct1j3qe46XfaZ3Gwgn7qe-5xJHOT70OuYYUAMG9dAqwT-7-GQhontaq8JRo4Ogl_hPpvO0xTLdzF2cJlFYyuktf8jTz1ftj9ZhaW5wJU-z1jOT/s400/victory.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via pinterest</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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i'm working on it. i'm really, really desperately working on it. and i'm praying for a change. i know, i really truly know now that God adores me, wants to spend time with me. He thinks i'm cool(!), which is astounding to me. *i* don't think i'm cool, so why does *He* think i am?!? pain, self-hate, abuse; so many layers to peel through. i've started. let's get peeling.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgpD0RQIasPT0RoUHyiR_2uAsyftaPAm1Q5c-yWH0YXzt3Ieg9ARV43HJT7Kj62HRn6brY9AJod-9bMSj6mT5e57NApiWZXLghvQ9aFk4kUdhtB-WzVm5Z-F9uIto2p3CvZENkehQjJE17/s1600/47407onion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgpD0RQIasPT0RoUHyiR_2uAsyftaPAm1Q5c-yWH0YXzt3Ieg9ARV43HJT7Kj62HRn6brY9AJod-9bMSj6mT5e57NApiWZXLghvQ9aFk4kUdhtB-WzVm5Z-F9uIto2p3CvZENkehQjJE17/s1600/47407onion.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-27063084781048954122012-11-30T06:25:00.000-09:002012-11-30T06:25:19.036-09:00challenge of color!here we arrive at erin prais-hintz' final challenge for 2012; the challenge of color! thank you so much, erin and <a href="http://www.brandigirlblog.com/">brandi hussey</a>. i've long been a fan of brandi's work, and am thrilled to finally be able to use one of her palettes to make a piece of jewelry.<br />
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i saw the blog hop last year and decided i would try my best to do it this year, because it looked like so much fun. i actually got to participate in all four of erin's challenges this year. i've so enjoyed them and feel like i pushed some boundaries with my work. :) yay!<br />
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so i chose the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richat_Structure">richat structure</a>.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicwzWifz_84g2XoNjB3zJhiLkkKw1rtPZNpgzGB3ityzHtvTXd4aWwRFnPRwyZGPlY4TJb-28NKlnF5GwFxtSXSmHVlFodbtxAqRT2DdYA7-6TlLHHG0Ceq3ZjRaQVypll7QoBcVp9T3F-/s1600/richat+structure+(1).png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="585" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicwzWifz_84g2XoNjB3zJhiLkkKw1rtPZNpgzGB3ityzHtvTXd4aWwRFnPRwyZGPlY4TJb-28NKlnF5GwFxtSXSmHVlFodbtxAqRT2DdYA7-6TlLHHG0Ceq3ZjRaQVypll7QoBcVp9T3F-/s640/richat+structure+(1).png" width="640" /></a></div>
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the richat structure is located in the sahara desert.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivh2BXXMlCsA4klFU2M9QIpSrQvh7Rf7jHWCZ9Wayq9z2XKnSEbOeYuq2E1zgAdqLBfL4TI9PN-96tR4QLu7nCcR4iEwLMbHz8DknMs9i06Qvki7ybV3EoXpXexh0O9ERVgvu_y94BY-Nq/s1600/Sahara01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivh2BXXMlCsA4klFU2M9QIpSrQvh7Rf7jHWCZ9Wayq9z2XKnSEbOeYuq2E1zgAdqLBfL4TI9PN-96tR4QLu7nCcR4iEwLMbHz8DknMs9i06Qvki7ybV3EoXpXexh0O9ERVgvu_y94BY-Nq/s320/Sahara01.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://saharamet.com/">the sahara desert</a></td></tr>
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it's a wonderfully mysterious land form; no one really knows how it came to be. there are theories, and i'll share two of them here. first; it's a crater from a meteor. this idea really isn't given any credence by scholars because the structure isn't deeply concave and is missing the kind of rocks and minerals formed when such a high-velocity collision occurs. so, the other supposition that i would like to mention is that it was once a dome, that has slowly eroded in a totally unique fashion.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUpsnIzPHukfPRIU3eIHNW6IBRIzwqlFrFEoGeYFOneblmjuqmEVPaCdWasNuiz4Ulg5yvf0rqCNRZReVk5xdfDaQphtWsMp4wttDVaJ3LgcANdtxFTTNLBsC8wYHINk2xEiaueOAfQ09z/s1600/Richat+Structure+01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUpsnIzPHukfPRIU3eIHNW6IBRIzwqlFrFEoGeYFOneblmjuqmEVPaCdWasNuiz4Ulg5yvf0rqCNRZReVk5xdfDaQphtWsMp4wttDVaJ3LgcANdtxFTTNLBsC8wYHINk2xEiaueOAfQ09z/s320/Richat+Structure+01.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://unbelievableinfo.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-eye-of-sahara-richat-structure.html">richat structure</a></td></tr>
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but everyone agrees it's a fascinating land form and requires much more study. i thought one of the coolest stories about the richat structure is that the astronauts can see it from space, and always look for it on missions. they've named it earth's bulls-eye. ;) visit <a href="http://www.kuriositas.com/2011/03/richat-structure-earths-bulls-eye.html">this</a> amusing description from a scientist's point of view of how the structure might have formed and how the structure has been rather sensationalized by some psuedo-scientists.<br />
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i chose to focus on the astounding circular aspect of the structure.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKUdZfudpZimrbsX1ib9UbF9Ug0dLSVBS04woJW_rZGuwEe3IS_yLUji9nKbzl-nGiyQTreEaBecZUDBlsww0wYxKCCOvpxoYMn28-CDRBz-TBrcGP6eg9An6G_QqbELMj3zHHAe55NhBC/s1600/274.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKUdZfudpZimrbsX1ib9UbF9Ug0dLSVBS04woJW_rZGuwEe3IS_yLUji9nKbzl-nGiyQTreEaBecZUDBlsww0wYxKCCOvpxoYMn28-CDRBz-TBrcGP6eg9An6G_QqbELMj3zHHAe55NhBC/s640/274.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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i created this spiral focal with heavy gauge copper wire. then i added a few circles on either side to create a framework, to which i added gemstones, in order to reflect the rich geology of the structure. and i went a bit crazy with the wire.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrY3uZghNhx_LFHp3ltjlLRjyn6EJ79jR3WsFyP0og8yYAXbQkfFPpqkZw0pz4NSIYwpiacfxKhBwaa9OTUYYUZaq0ltSdidp0TtzUInHiuGKNET8qNemg-L8fJSb3TM7lz9OL7-X2TkMU/s1600/272.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrY3uZghNhx_LFHp3ltjlLRjyn6EJ79jR3WsFyP0og8yYAXbQkfFPpqkZw0pz4NSIYwpiacfxKhBwaa9OTUYYUZaq0ltSdidp0TtzUInHiuGKNET8qNemg-L8fJSb3TM7lz9OL7-X2TkMU/s640/272.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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so the colors on my screen are really disappointing me. :( the piece in person is much more like brandi's palette, i swear! ;)<br />
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for the back i used simple chain and a cassie donlen toggle.<br />
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so here's my dilemma; it doesn't feel quite right to me. but i'm not sure what it needs. more wire? more beads? more *color*?<br />
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i'm so glad i was able to participate in all erin's challenges this year. thank you so much, erin and brandi!!! please visit <a href="http://treasures-found.blogspot.com/">erin's blog</a> for the full list.<br />
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<br />indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823971878855907858.post-68819643612279133692012-11-29T10:38:00.000-09:002012-11-29T10:38:25.871-09:00sign-up!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWzWCdPWVfAybECkm04LwDJHSdkhLdhGAehmnLY0vsbetzNRHSiwEUnLax2MoldxTyVCBV_hKyjqdAsxFCf6ACc331DPlIHj8wvi_B9OzW6iNIbqOmrtS33fCwBXF9pW-M9f_Oixg-MzSM/s400/memories-and-thanks.jpg" width="170" /></div>
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<a href="http://www.prettythingsblog.com/">lori anderson</a> of the bead soup party fame is hosting a lovely <a href="http://www.prettythingsblog.com/2012/11/memories-and-thanks-blog-hop.html">commemorative blog hop</a> to be revealed mid-january. it's in honor of those people who have touched us deeply, made a difference in our lives. because it's really good to think of the beautiful things that have changed us or helped us along our path. i so often forget gratitude in my life, but i'm trying to be more mindful. today's the last day to sign up, so get to it!indigo hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09210240092319347841noreply@blogger.com0