here are my little one's toes, front paws crossed, as she sleeps on my lap while we watch a movie. i have to say i adore my cat. am i good about cleaning her litter? no. but boy, is she loved. i'm sure i've mentioned before how just last year god told me that animals have souls and will be in heaven with us. well, it's been interesting to see how that knowledge has changed me. i've been able to handle better the idea of eating meat and hunting for food. fur trapping and the mistreatment of animals still sends me over the deep end... well, fur trapping is abhorent but i'm not gonna go join peta. just to let you guys know i'm not rabid. mistreatment of animals, though? whoa, don't get me started. i think there's a special place in hell for those people. anyway. i look forward to heaven where i'll spend eons hanging with the animals. meerkat manor? here i come. the pridelands? can't hold me back. and my precious lost ones: midnight, socks, persephone, cassie, baby, and becca's dearest; tiger. can't hardly wait!
my first piece of jewelry that i can remember was a bear paw pendant with a turquoise stone that my father gave me. it was a beautiful work of craftsmanship, made by the navajos. i lost this gorgeous piece when i was twenty one while on the trip to take my sister to grad school in texas. these events are inextricably linked, for both events were a wrench. losing my sister, who was my very best friend, was a significantly larger pain than the loss of the necklace. but i must admit that i still feel pain over that pendant. bear is my spirit animal, and i feel very strongly that my father gave bear to me, one of the most amazing, transformational, *huge* gifts that has ever been given to me.
i went without a bear paw for about ten years, looking for one sporadically. i was still mourning my loss. but then, one day, quite out of the blue, i was ready. and i found a beautiful replacement. it isn't the same as the first; it isn't as heavy or as exquisitely made as the first, but it's turquoise (my stone) and it's about the same size. so. i made a necklace and i wear it every day and i feel close to bear, again, and thankful to my father for the gift of bear.
i'm an artist trying to find her way in this world. i'm a writer, a visual artist, a jeweler. i'm an explorer and a survivor, a recovering addict and a seeker of beauty. i search for meaning and truth and joy always, in every little moment.